US Road Trip 2015: suggestions welcome ;)

I know my SPNFamily will love this idea of helping me design my road trip. For all my other friends and family I hope you will participate wherever and whenever you can 🙂

March and April 2015 I will be in the US for an 8 week road trip and I don’t know exactly what I will do. I know it takes a little while to get to March, but my plan is set and if I want to get enough input I need this time to figure it all out 😉 There are a few ideas in my mind, but only the first week is set in stone 🙂 There’s a few places I’d like to visit. The South has always drawn my attention and the words “Mason – Dixon line” sound like magic. Texas is a state I’d like to visit and also Alabama, Kansas, Memphis. I don’t know a lot about these states and if it’s doable to go through these all in the amount of time I’ve set, but they sound great to visit. There’s been a couple of times I’ve been to the states and there will be plenty more, but this is going to be one of my biggest and baddest trips 😀

Fun times with the boys VegasCon2014 (Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins & Jensen Ackles)

My starting point will be Las Vegas and that’s all I know. For the SPN family I know they want to know: I’m going to VegasCon for the first time and that’s basically the starting point of my trip! 😀 I will have 6 weeks after Vegas and I don’t have any other plans except: small towns, maybe some big ones, staying in the towns (not next to the high ways if thats possible). I know for a fact I’ll go to Texas and see where that’ll take me 🙂 My plan is to be guided through my feelings. If I like a town I’ll stay a couple of days, if I don’t like it, I’ll leave the next. It should be an easy road trip and I need to be able to relax as well 😉 That’s all I know and that’s all I’m going to plan, well maybe my return ticket, but other than that I don’t have any ideas yet.
I’ve already been to the north and the west, and I’m really drawn to the south so that’s what I want this time.

Elizabethtown Road Trip Scrapbook

So why this blog? Cause I’d really like your help with making this road trip the best trip I’ve been on so far 🙂

         

What I really want your help with is to know places to see/ things to do like: restaurants, bars, clubs, venues, sport events, concerts, hotels/ motels/ inns, theaters, specialties to eat/drink and so on. Also I really would like to know what you think is great road trip music and if you have playlists to share with me 🙂 And of course if you have other tips and tricks and know you’ll have a place for me to crash last minute let me know and I’ll shout out if i need it 😀 Also if you want to meet up or just hang. I’ll try to tweet whenever I can and let you know where I’ll be so you can get in touch with me right away 🙂

I am going to try and blog when I’m on the trip, I’ll add stories about what I went through and what I’ve experienced so you can keep track of me here. I don’t want to make any promises though, cause this trip is all about what I want to do and when I want to, so I might not blog in days or weeks, but I’ll keep you posted somehow 😀

You can send all your ideas and questions to my e-mail, leave a comment here, follow me on Twitter, LinkedIN or comment on a place on this map where you can add locations (please comment on what you want me to see 🙂 )

Have fun, nothing is too crazy and let’s create an awesome trip!

-xoxoxo-

Acting class 6/8: the day after

After a good nights sleep, yes I did sleep very well last night after writing. There were a couple of things I wanted to write down after, but I was to tired so I fell a sleep very quick.
One of the things that other people keep telling me about the nerves is: just let it go! Just letting go isn’t that easy and definitely not as easy at it sounds. It is so hard to let go and the people who say that the loudest are in fact the people who a) never had to let go something that is stuck in their whole human being, or b) can’t let go themselves so they scream it to the rest of the world.

There’s something else I realised about the acting class: I’m not the only one that struggles. I see it from the sidelines and I feel for the people standing ‘on stage’ and can’t get into the flow or emotion. I need to realize that i am not the only one and that I’m strong for the fact that i still show up and try my hardest to do good.
If i had taken these classes a few years back I know I wouldn’t have the balls come back after the first class, so that is huge and i should be proud of myself. I can also be proud of the fact that there are so many people who wouldn’t dare to take an acting course.

The thing is is that the feelings that I had last night weren’t mine. Well they were mine, but not mine of  today. I think these feelings are still from a long time ago, feelings I haven’t been able to deal with. Feelings that are so deep, stuck and hidden in the core of me that its hard to find them, but even more important hard to let go, cause I didn’t know they were still here. Well I might’ve known they were still here, but not being this stuck and hidden as I have hoped.
And you know maybe these feelings are gone now, maybe I needed to feel them. Oh I most definitely know I had to go through this last night. It wasn’t fun, for sure, but everything happens for a reason so i probably needed this too 🙂 And it is not even a question if i needed it, i know i needed it to grow.

And than there’s this thing called explaining your actions. I don’t have to explain myself to anyone, this is my process and I’m doing this first and foremost for myself, I knew it was going to be hard, difficult and probably painful, but I signed up anyway, cause you can’t grow without having difficulties in your live.

I’m always so glad when I write whatever is in my mind. It helps me to understand myself better and it definitely opens up my eyes about who I am and why I act the way I do, which is very interesting 🙂

I still think I need to go somewhere and try to scream, or go boxing to get rid of all the anxiety that’s still in my body. Luckily I do have a punching bag and I’ll probably give it hell tonight when I’m back from work.

Have an amazing day!!

Xoxo

Acting class 6/8

Oh boy what a night!!! Man oh man, I’m still wired. When I was done with class I wanted to scream so freaking loud or kick something to damn hard, or just cry like a baby……

This was such hard class today. I’m going to try and stay positive but I can’t guarantee that I will..

Before class we had to learn a piece of text we would have to do a monologue of today. I learned my lines (prologue of Twilight) and I knew them by heart. I also said them out loud this morning a couple of times and at lunch to one of my colleagues. I knew them, I might’ve switched a couple of words, but I knew them. And I still do. I was kinda exited about this class and I pictured in my head how I would perform the monologue. I also knew that I was gonna do it today no matter what…

First couple of exercises where the same as previous and I think I did kinda good. I was slow with the Ho Min Chack (or something), but I’m always slow with that one so that is okay. Than we had to change turns in weird expressions. There where two people acting out a place they were at (the moon, under water, supermarket a.i.) and when Hugo said freeze the would freeze, two other people took the places of the previous and continued into a new place. This was kind of fun, but also hard because it went so fast. I think I did good at that one, I let go a bit more and that was okay.

Than there was an exercise where Hugo had a card saying what bad thing one of the two actors on stage did. One of the players had to wait outside with the card (not peeking at it) and the other one was handed card by their loved one. It was interesting to see how people reacted of each other. I sat that one out, for an unexplainable reason..

After that one there was the monologue part. There were two people doing good before me and when Hugo asked the next one I thought: it’s now or never, so I stood up and tried to bring out the words. I think I came to the second or paragraph and than I chocked. I had to do it over again, sit in a chair this time and address the story to a girl in our group. I could feel some of the feelings bubbling up, but I lost my lines. I took my time to find them, and I could picture them in front of my eyes but they didn’t come out. Than there was a whole lot of trying to do it differently, in a horny voice, as a fish, Smurf or in a seductive way. I don’t know what happened, but I freaked out, my brain was mush and I couldn’t even think anymore…. I don’t know but maybe it was because the text is so much better in English than in Dutch, but still it shouldn’t matter. I know Dutch and English and even though it is different I could tweak it a bit so it would flow more and is more my style, but still it is so hard to learn even a little piece of text.

So we went on with something else, maybe the card thing was after, but I really can’t remember. I think it was after the monologue thing, cause we were having a break after the cards and than we were doing a scene like every class.

Before my monologue I said I was nervous and luckily Hugo said that every time he had to perform he was nervous as well. That didn’t help me black out though… I know everybody must’ve been nervous, but I couldn’t really see it in the other two. I know I’m glad when I do a scene (the 5w scene) and I get into the feelings and really give it what I need, but I don’t know today I just broke or something. And like I said last time I don’t pay attention to the people sitting in front of me, I’m not nervous for that at all. I notice them when I’m done with a scene.

After class I didn’t hang out, like last time, I got a ride to the bus and I took it. When I was at the bus stop it hit me! I felt shame. I don’t know what happened but I felt ashamed about myself. Of that I couldn’t get out 10 freaking sentences and get into the right mindset and feeling? I also felt very small when that feeling of shame came over me. Me and a colleague of mine where talking about feelings earlier that day and I think it’s still all old feelings of not being good enough, not being worthy, about not being able to do what I want or something like that. That almost made me cry. It also made me want to scream so loud or punch something so damn hard but I didn’t. I did what I always do when waiting for the bus: dance on the music that on and play back with that. This I don’t have a problem with, even though other people can see that and look at me whatever way they can, but in front of trusted people in an acting class, not being able to get out the words or let go of all the tension is so hard. I still don’t get why. And I don’t even have any explanation for it. I also don’t have any idea how to get out of this circle. I know I’m going to the 5w’s next week, that’s for sure and I might even do my monologue again, if I get the courage and I hope I can finally let go, cause this sucks in so many ways, it’s not even funny…..

There is a silver lining though, I know right after that?? I was one of the three that did do the monologue and the rest didn’t. So that means 7 other people didn’t do it and I got the guts to get up there and at least try it. And I got into the feeling a little bit, so that’s a good thing too 😉 It wasn’t all bad, I got up, did my thing, it didn’t work out, so be it! Who cares!! Me obviously, but seriously, why am I making this so freaking hard for myself???

I am going back next week and I’m gonna try again to be better, I already have a good 5w’s scene in my head so that is going to be good. And for the rest of it, I don’t know. As long as I can leave most of the tension outside and jut trying to have fun and be good at what I do and try to let go a little more, it would be a success. Today is a success cause of the things written above, so next week there’ll be an other success, which you will read than 😉

Have a good night, sleep well and enjoy the dreams 😀

❤

Acting class 5/8

So as I wrote down earlier I got nervous about going to class tonight. I’m always nervous, but if you want to read more about that check out the earlier blog of today.

I never feel like going to class cause I get nervous. Nervous about not knowing what to do, not being prepared well enough and so on. It is not that I get nervous standing in front of people, it’s more the nerves about not knowing what the hell I’m doing. I don’t really like the improvisation part of the classes and the “go nuts” part, cause that’s just me. I don’t like to go overboard and that’s exactly what you have to do when you’re acting (sometimes, at least in our classes).

As I wrote in an earlier blog, I’m not taking these classes cause I want to act. I’m taking these classes cause I want to try and challenge myself to do things I would normally not do.

The class today started as the previous classes and it went a bit better. I’m still having trouble letting my brain work on impuls, so I can’t keep up that fast. It’s okay though cause I’m starting to like these exercises 🙂

We did a different exercise in the middle of the class. We had to tell each other what we thought was beautiful about the other person and the things that we liked. Than the other person had to say thank you and than compliment you. And that went on for a bit, till it got awkward. And that was exactly the point! We had to come up with stuff to say, and maybe not rationalize the situation (which apparently I do). It was a though exercise but I’m glad I stood up without me being the last person.

We didn’t do anything with the texts we had to bring. I didn’t know we had to memories them and play a monologue. I thought just bring it and than we’re going to do something with the text. So for next week I’m going to prepare my text and it’ll be good!

When we were done with class our coach Hugo told me to stand up sooner. Right as he called the exercise out I have to get up there and start doing. He told me it gets harder the night progresses and I’ll get more nervous. And he’s right about that. It felt good to stand up and not waiting for everybody else to get their turn (which is what I always do in any situation, I don’t claim my place to to say and I just realized that too (wow this has been a very mind opening day ;)). I am going to do that next week too. He also said that I can act and that he was really impressed with a scene I did three weeks ago (second class). I told him that was because it was so close to home, that it didn’t feel that hard to do.

One of my class mates told me that I’m doing some great things. Mainly the listening to my co-player and than reacting off of that. She told me she doesn’t do that well enough. That is not my hardest part. I’ve always been a listener and I’ve always kept quit till everybody else was done talking. When I had something to say I try to say it when I want to, but if I’ve tried two times and they won’t let me say what I want I’m like “okay, whatever, couldn’t care less”. And that’s a habit I still haven’t been able to break. So with acting that’s a good thing, in real life I’d like to learn how to do that more. She also told me that I need to “not give a shit and just let go” which is the hardest thing to do though.

I like that Hugo always gives us cases that are so not us, that you have to really try to work it out. Today wasn’t the best day, but I was really nervous before hand. Last week I wasn’t that much. We had a nice hangout after class and it’s good to talk to the other players and Hugo about the class. I’m going to hang out after next class as well, cause that’ll give you some insights as well and you’ll learn from each other.

When I walked home from the bus I thought “I need to break out of this shell, this bubble and just go with it” and I wanted to start running. Because I really hate to fight or stand my ground it’s hard for me to act that too. I feel bad for the other person who I’m supposed to be calling names, but the thing is (I just realized that on my way home too 😉 ) they are acting too. I shouldn’t care about hurting their feelings cause that’s what they signed up for. I shouldn’t feel bad personally when an other actor is calling me out and cursing and yelling at me, cause it’s not personal. They are yelling to the character I’m playing. I would feel all the emotions, and that’s good cause you can act off of that, but I won’t take it personally.

So basically I want to break free and perform (Queen is playing in my head really really loud this moment :D), cause I have to say I kind of enjoy it too 😀 It’s hard and it’s difficult, but that’s life so 😉 And I don’t care about the people on the side lines. I can focus on what I have to do “on stage” and be in that moment (as I think I described in an earlier post) and I couldn’t care less who’s watching. My focus is on that moment and on doing good. So that’s a step up for me as well and I’m proud of me for taking that one!

The thing I still don’t really get is that I can have a photograph taken of me in a tea bag bikini and or a home made Superhero costume out of plastic and wall paper and that photo is available world wide but I can’t break out of this shell and perform. Okay I have to say I had a couple of wines that day (see my GISHWHES post) so that is a bit different, but the feeling I had that day was so much fun and excitement that was overwhelming. I am going to try to excite myself for next weeks class. I really want to enjoy it and break free of the “normalcy” which I still have. There’s only three weeks left so I might as well break out now right 😉

That’s all for now, so sleep well or have an amazing day!

❤

The affect of acting classes: Thing that make me nervous

So I just realized the thing that makes me nervous is the unknown and the unknown of doing something right. I am waiting to go my acting class and we had to pick out a text that we thought was beautiful. As I don’t read in Dutch (it had to be Dutch) I figured I borrow Twilight in Dutch and take the part that impresses me the most.

Now I’m thinking if I did okay, cause you know ‘it’s Twilight”. On the other hand no other book than this one grabbed me and didn’t let me go. As I am also not a reader of a lot of books I thought I’d just pick this. The think that I’m nervous about is if I did the right thing. On the other hand I don’t have any other texts that spoke to me like that piece did, so I shouldn’t doubt my decision. It is about me and not about what other people might think.
Come to think of it I think this is my main “problem”. I think to much about if I’m doing it right in stead of just doing it. I think I’ve always had that feeling, even when I had to turn in homework at school. It’s funny to realize this now and not back than. Now that I know this, I know I can work on this and try not to care about it to much. I know I want to do the best that I can, which I always am, so why am I still nervous about these things? Of why do I still care so much about what other people might think of me. I don’t mind whatever text someone else brings tonight, so why do they care what I bring. It’s about my development and not about them. They are there for their own reasons and to develop themselves so why would I judge them? I’m not, cause I don’t judge people (or at least I’m trying as hard as I can to not judge, cause lets face it “everybody judges, some more than others” but I try to keep it to a minimum). When I find myself thinking a thought about someone I recognize that thought and immediately try to stop that train of thought and think about something else. I don’t like to judge and you can’t look into someone else’s mind/ live so who am I to have an opinion about that person? Okay I’m getting of track here…… As I said, I shouldn’t worry to much about what other people think about my text. It’s an important text for me, so I’m bringing it 🙂

The other thing I’m nervous about for acting class is that I don’t know what to expect. I think that is the other issue I’m having. Every time I try something I get nervous. And every time I go to a course/ class/ meet up I get the same feelings. I think I am not necessarily nervous about the acting class itself but about not knowing what’s expected of me, so I can prepare. As our coach told me the first class I want to have everything under control, and he’s right. But I also want to learn how not to have something under control. I think that’s why I signed up as well.

It is funny that I come to think off it now. Now that I’m really listening to my body/ feelings/ mind. I think it is very interesting how the brain works and how feelings impact the things that you do in everyday life. I know for sure that if I didn’t start these acting classes I wouldn’t realize these things. Everything happens for a reason and I know for a fact that these classes were meant to help me understand myself and grow more.

So I think I have a pretty good feeling what my biggest issues are relating to having and fulfilling my dreams. It’s the “fear” of the unknown and the fear of not succeeding. I have a positive attitude and I know everything happens for a reason so now that I know these two issues (that apparently sometimes still hold me back), I can do something about it. And I will! I don’t know how yet, but luckily I work with amazing coaches that undoubtedly will help me with this 😀

So that’s all for now. I’m curious about tonight’s class and even though I’m nervous to go I can’t wait to write about it, cause I love to write down and share my experiences and thoughts with you!

Acting class 4/8

If you are following me you’ve noticed I haven’t blogged about acting class 3/8. Last week I was sick so I skipped it, I was not feeling well enough to go to class and I learned to listen to my body so I got home and slept 😉

So even though this week was class 4 for me it was my third. We began as we always begin: making up a word/ sound & movement and then copy the one you get and throw yours to someone else. As I am sick again my brain didn’t catch on so it was pretty hard. You have to do that exercise on impuls and that is hard, even harder when you’re not feeling well. The next one was similar but only with an imaginable samurai sword. This one was with three words and 3 movements in sequence. You had to give the first to someone, they did the next and the two people next to them did the third. This one was really really confusing. I wasn’t there last week, so it was pretty hard to catch, but I finally got it.

The third exercise was that he told us a story and we had to feel and live that story while he was telling it. We had to walk through the room (all of us together) and be in your own world and create what he said was going on. This was an exercise I really liked. I could get into the story and feel and see most of it before my eyes. These are the things I like to do, so I think I’ll like working with a script.

The final exercise was the same as last week and the week before. Make up a scene in a pair and perform it. The 5W’s: Who, What, When, Where and Why. My friend and I came up with something and thought if we’d go last we might not get a turn, cause we had a story that was already played before (not in details, but the basics that is). Our trainer was walking behind us back to class (after the break) and told us to begin. Which I thought was a good move. He told us that if we just sat there waiting for our turn it would be more difficult. And he probably was right. I think he did us (well at least me) a favor by doing that, cause I wasn’t that nervous to play our little scene. The thing is that I don’t know enough details so that makes me nervous. Improvisation is pretty hard (still) for me but I wasn’t afraid of the people who were watching. I didn’t notice them while being in my scene. The thing that scares me or makes me nervous is that I don’t know what I’m doing and if I get really emotional I don’t know how to get that out. If I get emotional in real life or feel like I’m getting into a fight, I just walk away. I don’t want to fight and I hate conflict so that’s my way out. When things are calm again we can talk it out, if there’s still things going on. In these exercises though we have to let out these feelings, or let them in to say it better. We have to feel them and act on it, not walking away. Just yell, scream, curse, throw things (don’t hurt people ;)), kick things, whatever. It doesn’t matter as long as the emotion is released and shown. These last couple of things I just realized by writing about this process. I am not afraid to go to the classes any longer (YAY ME 😀 ) but I still get nervous. I think the things I get nervous about are the things I’ve written down above: not knowing what I need to say and adjusting the way I feel and the way I act upon my feelings.

The group is great, supportive and really good. I feel safe so that’s an other great thing about this.

For next week we have homework. We need to find a text that we love. Not a poem or a song, but a book or letter. The thing is that it has to be in Dutch and I don’t read Dutch or watch anything that is Dutch, so that’s going to be fun to find. I thought: hey I love the start of Twilight so I use those lines, but than I thought I’ve read them in English and not in Dutch. For me know is to find the Twilight book, in Dutch and see if those lines speak to me in Dutch as they do in English or otherwise I just have to find an other text…… Challenge!!! 🙂

That’s all for now, if there’s something more on my mind, you know I’ll post it 😉

For now sleep well (or have a great day) and cya next week!

❤