This is me

I just watched The Greatest Showman for the second time and all I can say is WOW. The songs, yes it’s a musical, are so spot on and I got emotional a lot. With the songs and what happens in the story. For anyone who hasn’t seen it and don’t want to know anything about it, should not read further. I’m not spoiling much but I write a little outline of the story.

The story is basically about the man who invented the Circus, P.T. Barnum and how he created these amazing shows for people using “unusual” people, outcasts of society and how they became family. The story is still relevant to this day cause people who are different and do “life” different are still made to feel disgusted, shameful and bad about themselves. And that pisses me off and that is putting it lightly. So when I saw that in the film I got mad, really really angry at the people who set that off in me.

One of the songs in the film “This is me” is so good and powerful, it hits me every time I see it. There’s this video about studio pitch (a read through where they basically try to sell the movie to the studio) and it’s a make it or break it day for the whole cast and what happens during this song is, for me at least, pure magic. Everyone is feeling it and I can feel it through the video. There is so much power and so much vulnerability from basically everyone in the room and it’s so beautiful and raw and yes I LOVE it!

The lyrics are about accepting and loving yourself and breaking through the “shame” and barriers of people who “are” normal and that you shouldn’t listen to all those who cannot accept the differences between people and (but that’s the way I see it) are afraid of things they don’t see as beautiful and as basically human. The chorus is:

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me


There’s a lot of people I know too are always looking at what is different about other people and laugh about it. I never got that. I’m different, I’ve always been different, I’ve never done life how you’re “supposed” to live life. Maybe I don’t have a “weird or strange” appearance, but I’ve not lived the way society is portrayed. Like having boyfriends in your teens, having a family in your 30’s and having a career (making good money) and a house in those years as well. I’ve never done that, I never really cared for it to be honest, but I’ve always felt the pressure from everyone about it. It felt like I was (am) doing life wrong. But that is the thing right, it’s MY life and I do it MY way. If you don’t like how I live it, don’t tell me or look at me funny, but just go, leave. If you can’t accept me for who I am and what I do I don’t want you in it. I’m not trying to change people, I like people the way they are. I don’t point out what’s different about that person to others, I don’t see it. All I see is a person, a human being who is living their life.

When I tell people I see movies or TV shows over and over again, I get this look, like “Oh come on, really, you’re weird” and people don’t understand it. But I don’t see the same movie or the same TV show. Every time I do I get this feeling, this amazing feeling (wether it’s really sad or happy or exciting, whatever) and I see a different movie or show. I see new things and I experience it differently.

Also people try and tell me, or explain and justify why they do things or don’t do things. When I talk about my tattoos I hear a lot “Well I might want to have one but……..” and that’s totally fine. Get one if you want to, or don’t if you don’t, I don’t care. I’m not trying to convince you to get one I’m just trying to explain what they mean to me and why I have them or get them.

The moment I start to talk about meditating I immediately feel a defence system going up and people get really really defensive about why they don’t. “Yeah I know I should do stuff like that, but………”, or “I want to try but I can’t empty my mind”, which is not how I look at meditation at all, or “It might be good for me but I don’t have the time….”. Okay that’s totally fine with me, but I’m not trying to tell you that you should do it, I’m just sharing my experiences. And yes sometimes they can be very different and hard to explain, which doesn’t mean I want a disapproving look or a look that I’m not “normal”. If you want me to explain what happens and how I do it, I’m happy to tell you. If you make fun of me about what happens during these sessions I’m not okay with that.

The same with songs or movies or shows. The fact that I like it doesn’t mean you have to like it, but don’t look at me like I’m crazy when I tell you I like One Direction or Bon Jovi or that I’ve seen King Arthur: Legend of the Sword like a 100 times and watched Sons of Anarchy over and over again. Don’t tell me it’s a waste of time and I should go to the gym or do something “useful”. You don’t know why I watch or listen to it, you don’t know what it’s giving me and what it does to me. What you think is “useful” I might think is a waste of time. Do I tell you that? No, cause it’s YOUR life and you live it the way you want to. I don’t have any say in it, and I’m not trying to. Would I tell you I’m worried about you if I am, YES, would I tell you what I think I would do in a certain situation, definitely, but I would NEVER ever tell you what you should do. I don’t know why you do the things you do and what it brings you and brought you to that point, so who am I to judge it or want to change it. I might ask why you made a choice like that, but just for me to try to understand or see where you came from, not so I can start telling you it’s wrong.

Does all of this mean I won’t think about people and all the thoughts I have about people are good thoughts? No, it just means if I think about someone in a certain way, I keep it to myself. They way I see someone is based on my relationship with that person and the energy between us and what is in the past, it doesn’t have anything to do with you so why would I try and put my thoughts about that person on you so you can form an opinion about someone based on what has happend to me? You should try and from your own opinion about someone based on your experiences with that person. And you can change that too. The fact that you don’t like someone now or that you have had a bad experience with someone doesn’t mean that you have to keep that point of view. If you change the way you feel about someone and try and look at it from a different perspective you can change the relationship and have good experiences with that person. You never know why someone is doing something. Someone might accidentally have hurt you because they where in a bad mood or something bad happend to them. Doesn’t mean they meant to hurt you and maybe they don’t even know they did. If you keep holding on to the one instance something bad happend, you will never ever be able to change it to what might become a great relationship.

What I would like in this brand new year is that people would stop looking at other people so much and just experience their own life to the fullest. Why would you want to make fun of someone else and how they look and what they do? Would you like it if someone would make fun of you? NO you wouldn’t. For me that is intentionally hurting people and if you want to do that in my company, you can leave it. If you talk bad about someone in front of me and try to make me go along, keep moving, cause I’m not having it. Be nice to people, be kind, act out of love, share good experiences, ask for help if you need it, try and look at different perspectives, see the good in life and in people and things. I know we’ve been raised with looking at things that aren’t good, but if you look at all the good in life, you can change yours, you can make it better, even if you have bad days.

I would also like to see people try and talk more about how they see things from their own perspective and not like it is like the way they see it. For instance when people say “that is a bad movie or a bad idea, or that person is a bad person”, I would like to see/ hear them say “I think ……. ” and maybe with an explanation or maybe not, maybe depending on the situation. And if people speak from themselves they can maybe open doors into another persons life or at least see where someone’s coming from.

Anyway I think I’ve gotten everything out that I held on to 😉

Go with love, go with life, go with happiness.

Much ❤


Divergent: Books vs Movie

Book vs Movie


A few weeks ago I discovered that Divergent was based on a book. I loved the movie, and wanted to find out what they changed from the book. So I got the books and I read them all (even the Four stories) in about a week. It took me a while to get into the book, but in the end I liked them and even got a bit sad when it was over…

These are my observations about the movie vs the book.



First off all: The cast is perfect! I really like how everyone portrays their character, nothing feels off about any of them. Some of the characters are shady but that’s what they’re supposed to be so yeah I really think the casting was perfect! Chemistry between the characters is what makes a movie great and the chemistry here was incredible.



The book portrays Tris like she is a bit of a show off, it feels like she needs to prove herself to everyone and that the only thing she can do is bluff herself through every situation. I’m glad that the movie shows here differently, that we can really see her struggle and growth through the initiation process. I like that in the movie she knows when to pick here battles with Eric and Jeanine, in the book she tries to battle everything, which makes me not like her that much.

I hope in the next movies she knows exactly what battles to pick and that she can be honest about them. I was getting a bit tired of Tris and Four’s arguments in the second half of the second book. I know there area battles to be won and that sometimes they’re on different sides but this felt so much like everyone for themselves in stead of togetherness. I believe Tris knows exactly what she needs to do and I hope that in the coming movies she’s not afraid to to what she thinks is necessary but that she also don’t pick to much of a fight with the people that care for her and don’t keep to much secrets like she does in the books. Secrets that will hurt her and the people she loves so much.



I love that Tris and Christina’s relationship is like a camaraderie in the movie. In the first book there’s a lot of envy from Christina’s side towards Tris and I like that in the movie it’s just a “sisterly” bond. After the first book there was just an amazing bond between them and I really love to see that grow more on screen.



I think she’s perfectly portrayed in the film. I love Kate Winslet as Jeanine, someone who thinks she is right and doesn’t care who has to die. She doesn’t have a moral compass, but she believes in a purpose and pursuits that direction. She is a firm believer in knowledge and science and if there’s anyone who can threaten that she’s willing to whatever to get rid of that person. Not really ethical, but at least she’s consistent in her plans. I have never seen Kate Winslet as a bad guy, but she’s incredible.



In the beginning I hated him. I am not a person who really hates anybody, but this guy oh and Peter, yeah I really really didn’t like them. I’m getting used to Eric now I’ve watched the movie more. The way he looks most of the time, just plain bored with the initiates makes me laugh now. I like the dynamic between Four and Eric, you can really see that Eric is truly annoyed by Four and that he’s basically jealous of him, of that he beat him in their initiate class. The only real emotion Eric shares is when he is with Four and they are having a “stand off” like when Four said “Lucky for you these weren’t the rules when we were in training” or in the end when they where catching Four and Tris in Abnegation and he finds out Four and Tris are Divergent.

I’m looking forward to a few more Eric and Four and Eric and Tris scenes in the next movie, I think some of them can become truly amazing!



And than there’s this guy named Four…. I left that one for last, cause he’s incredible and I have so much to write about the difference between Movie!Four and Book!Four. They’re so different and it feels like I’m reading two characters with the same name when reading the book. Oh and that TATOO! Perfection is all I can write about that 🙂




Four is amazing in the movie, in the book I don’t really know if I like him that much. He’s too young in the book, too troubled, too I don’t know, not grown up maybe. He’s an intriguing character on screen and I was a bit disappointed to read someone so different in the books.

There where only a couple of moments throughout the books that I saw that character that I knew from the movie and I’m very curious about what his character will be like in the next movies. To be honest I don’t know if I like him that much in the books, although when I read through the second and last book I just saw them as two separate characters, which some similarities.


I don’t know why but maybe it’s because I can see right trough him on screen and not so much while reading the book. I like the subtleties of the choices Theo made for Four. I hope it carries through into the next movie. He is tough to the initiates in the beginning but he isn’t mean, he wants to help them and he cares about them. He is kind and wants them to do good. Eric just wants perfect soldiers, Four wants the initiates to pass the tests and grow as humans, not soldiers.


In the book Four is sort of all over the place in the movie he’s a steady instructor. In the book one moment he is nice the other moment he is a dick. In the movie however he is kind but still a trainer and that makes all the difference. He knows how to handle the initiates without being a drill sergeant, he knows how to train them without having to use his manly powers, like Eric does with his macho “I’m the trainer so do as I say” attitude. I really believe that Four would treat any initiative the same, divergent or not. Maybe not if the initiate was horrible to others, like Peter and Molly, but other than those I think he’d do the same, well maybe not fall for that one exactly but protecting them yes 😀

He’s also intuitive, he knows what people are capable off and he knows exactly what they need to get to that point. He’s an observer and he knows what’s going on. That’s why he’s hard on Tris. The knife throwing scene portrays that well. He cuts her and the scene goes like this: Four: “You alright?”, Tris:”You cut me”, Four: “I meant to”, Tris:”You meant to?”, Four:”You really think Eric would let you off the hook if I hadn’t hit you? You would’ve been still standing there if I didn’t.”, Tris:”So am I supposed to thank you?”, Four:”You’re supposed to be smart. If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve.” and he walks away. That was something Tris needed to hear, she needed to know her boundaries with Eric, she needed to know when to stop and I think the point came across.

In the end of the first book he’s named Tobias, which, for me at least he’s not. I know him as Four and the way he’s portrayed in the movie he’s supposed to be Four. Tobias doesn’t suit him for some reason. I hope they don’t change that in the coming movies, but I don’t think they will.


He’s not 18 in the movie, he can’t be. His character in the movie is a lot older, same as Eric’s. They’re both trained instructors and it’s too hard to believe they’re only 18. If they wanted them to come off as 18 they should’ve casted other actors. These characters have discipline and know what they teach (even though I don’t like Eric, he is an instructor and tries (I believe) to train the initiates as he sees fit) and they act too mature for them to be 18 year. Maybe that’s why I didn’t like Book!Four too much, because he was too immature. I can’t wait to see what they have in store for Four in the next movies though.



The Four and Tris’ fighting scene in end of the movie is brilliant! I love that they changed that from the book, cause the scene in the movie is, for me, more believable. I think the change from Tris to tell them to go, in the books, to Four telling her they need to go when he tapped into the security feed was more believable as well. I like the way Tris uses Four’s fear to get him out of sim, instead of him getting him out of sim only because he heard Tris’ voice.

Also that he fought Marcus and not Tris in his fear landscape was a well made choice. He keeps going back to the landscape, he said it himself, so he is aware of it and he knows how to fight them. He’s not getting over it, but he know’s how to control them now. Also in that scene that she keeps calling him Four instead of Tobias, we know him as Four and Tobias won’t get him out of sim, cause he hasn’t been that person in forever. I don’t think they should call him Tobias in the other films as well, it doesn’t feel right for some reason. He is Four and that’s it, he used to be Tobias, but now he is Four.


I also liked that they skipped the fear landscape training from the book and that they changed Four’s landscape training with Tris to him training her how to get through it as a Dauntless and not as a Divergent. There was a huge different in these scenes, but for me the movie scene feels better.

I would’ve liked to see Four scolding Peter in this movie, but hopefully he’ll do that in the next. The scene in the book where Four basically tells Peter he is a coward because he feels threatened by a small girl was perfect and I would’ve loved to see it on screen. That scene in the book is one of the few I thought was the Four from the movie.

So what’s it all add up to?


Basically I liked the book, but if I’ve read the book first, I might not have seen the movie, because I didn’t like it that much. It was a fun book to read, but I didn’t quite get into it that much. When I started the second book however I put down the idea that the characters where the same, so I could go into the story more. I think I’ll go read the whole series again, cause even though it might not the best I’ve read I think I can read more when reading the second time, like when you see a movie or a TV show a second time you see more and notice other things.

The movie made the story for me and I really hope Insurgent is going to blow my mind. I’ve seen the trailer and I can hardly wait for it, still a few months to wait though.

I would love to get my hands on the script of the first movie, cause I would also like to know what different choices the director and actors made, character wise.

Man of Steel: so much to say about (SPOILERS!)


I was watching Man of Steel last week and I feel like I have to write about it. This was supposed to be the best Superman movie right?? Well let me tell you this, I don’t think it was. It was watchable and I’ll probably watch it a couple of more times, but that’s because I’m a movie addict and love to see new things in movies when rewatching 😉 and hopefully that’ll make it better. The thing is is that I’m kind of confused about the movie.

First of all: this is all my opinion, I’m not a review writer, nor am I a professional one. I just had to clear my head and write my thoughts down.

Let me start with the great things about Man of Steel. The special effects were brilliant!! There is so much action, which they portray very well. But that wasn’t the only effects that were amazing. The flash backs and the story told by Jor-El was amazing to watch also.

I liked the flash backs and they fit well.

Those young Clark Kent’s reminded me so much of Tom Welling (TV-show Smallville) and they were awesome. For some reason I had to think about that show just watching those kids. Henry Cavill and Rachel Adams were great they did an amazing job portraying Clark and Lois.

That being said there were some things bothering me.
Such as the Lois Lane storyline. She finds out right in the beginning and is immediately trusted by Jor-El and by Clark. On the other side she isn’t too freaked about the whole thing and she apparently doesn’t need time to adjust. Which might be a bit hard to do when this would happen in real, but still..

I missed kryptonite. In the whole movie they haven’t spoken about Kriptonite. Clarks weakness here is the atmosphere of Kripton, but not the rocks. It’s the air of Kripton that makes Clark weak, but he adjust quickly (a bit to quick if you ask me). And Supermans weakness, as we all know (even if you don’t watch/ read Superman) is Kriptonite.

The film started very confusing, they wanted to have back story that’s great, but this was back story without a beginning.  They could’ve showed what happened when Clark/ Kal was in the “fortress” where Jor-El explained the rest.

Dialogue wasn’t that great at times either. There were lines that could’ve been better or just left out. I think that’s what made me feel weird watching Jor-El (Russel Crow) and General Zod. For some reason I couldn’t feel they were actually the people they were portraying. The dialogue made it for me fake at a few points. Some lines didn’t fit the characters at all, which is too bad, cause if it had the movie was better to watch.

Story line was a bit thin. Clark wasn’t mad with Jor-El and was too quick to be on board with the plan. Than there was the Lois thing, she accepted Clark a bit too fast and the story ended very quickly and Zod as well. He became the bad guy from the start (which he obviously was but the explanation about why wasn’t that clear) and at the end he was jus so easily ready to give it all up and we had to sympathise with him (which felt unnatural).

I think the biggest problem was that they wanted to tell so much but there wasn’t enough time to tell it all. And that’s too bad for a movie that has been promoted for more than 1,5 in advance. They just give you a tease, which is fine, but they have to come up with a great movie otherwise it wouldn’t work.

As I said these are all my opinions. I’m not saying it’s a bad film, I’m just saying there were a couple of things that could’ve been done better or differently. I’ll go and see this film again, cause I hope there are things in it I haven’t seen before. That’s what I love about watching movies for multiple times, I always see something different and new.

So to end with a positive note: Man of Steel isn’t all bad. Don’t expect the world of it and if you just want to be entertained you will 😉

Annoying people at the movies

I love to go to the movies. To sit in the dark and let the story/ action/ feeling fill up the room is like magic. Because of this I go to the movies a lot. I have a discount card so I can go unlimited to all the movies I want to. There are a couple of restrictions with that card, but all in all I’m happy with it.

Today I went to #Fast6, 3rd time :D, with a friend of mine. I know I’ve seen that movie two times already, but still I love watching some movies over and over again. Especially in IMAX: that sound is amazing!! So imagine watching a great movie and in the row in front of you there’s people talking/ whispering most of the time. When I hear someone talking a few times I don’t really care, I do that sometimes as well. But COME ON, the whole time!!! That’s just annoying.
I was getting irritated and felt frustration building up inside of me and I thought “No way I’m going to let those girls ruin my movie night”. So I leaned over and said “If you don’t like it please just leave” and I got a response something like “I do like it ……” I didn’t pay attention to what she was saying but after a couple of minutes they were quit.

I know it wasn’t the best movie ever, but if you go to the cinema that means you want to watch a movie right? So why keep talking, you can do that outside or on your own couch. Don’t annoy people with your talking. Considering other people when you do that, cause they also pay to watch a movie without interruptions or annoying people.

An other thing I really really hate when I’m in the cinema is CELLPHONES! Why would you want to watch your cellphone when you watch a movie? I have no clue. Mine is almost always turned all the way off in the cinema. Some people can’t get enough of their cellphone cause the have to pull it out every minute and check if they have messages or beter yet call someone. While in the movies! Are you crazy???? Why would you do that? I don’t understand that. You go out and go sit in a dark room to cut yourself of of all things and people, cause you want to watch a movie, right? Well I guess some people don’t.
If I see people grab their cellphones for the millionth time I get up (if it’s near me) and tell them to shut it off cause it distracts me. Some people find me annoying and a bitch for doing that, but hey I also payed to see that same movie and I don’t want to be interrupted by cellphones and talking.

So that’s it. Most of the time I try to stay positive and feel light, but this subject really bothers me. I try to not let it bother me so much, but as said before I love movies and cinema’s and I don’t want to be interrupted by people who obviously couldn’t care less. For those people I’d like to say: “stay out of the cinema if you don’t want to or otherwise act accordingly, we movie lovers would appreciate it a bunch”

And hereby I swear I’ll try to ask people to be quit or put their cellphones away more polite. I know I can come off as a bitch when I tell people they bug me, but then again it’s the heat of the moment.

So this was my rant for today.

I wish you all a very good night/ morning/ day etcetera, I’m hitting the hay and wish I have very nice movie dreams.


Behind the scenes or believing the magic

As Anna Torv (actress from Fringe) said in an interview: I don’t want to be on set of my favorite TV-Show cause then you’ll know how it’s been made. There’s no surprise anymore.

I mentioned this before, but I love watching TV-Shows and movies. I studied the first year of Media and Theatre Arts at Montana State University (MSU) a few years ago as an exchange student. I loved it but unfortunately I had to go back home after just one year. I recently got reminded that I directen a stage scene  and I that was an amazing experience as well. I learned a lot about making film and taking pictures. When I got back home I took two more film classes. As I am always organized and planned ahead I wanted to be the set supervisor (the person who arranged everything, time, order of shooting, continuity e.a.). I always wanted to be in a project as intense as a television show. Probably the biggest reason is because of the whole “part of the family” idea and of course the idea of creating something amazing.

Now that I’m completely lost in Supernatural I was thinking about how amazing it would be to be on that set. After listening to Anna Torv about that might ruin it I think I’d agree. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to be part of an amazing team as you so often see on TV-shows. I think that if you come on set, however, that the magic will be gone. Now that you know all the characters and story lines it might be weird to watch how it’s made. I know how it’s made and everybody who is in the business will know how it’s made, but not seeing it will definitely keep the magic of the show. You can keep dreaming about the stories, characters and keep asking yourself how you think it’s been made and what could’ve gone wrong etc. I think that’s what I like about not knowing.

I still hope to get on a TV/ Movie set one way to help out and creating an amazing project, but than just from the beginning so I’ll experience all of it and not just a little (cause face it, if you see a bit, you’ll only going to crave for more :P)