Teen Wolfs Season finally

I was hooked till the last 15 minutes of the episode. Start to finish the whole season  was amazing, until the last 10-15 minutes of the season finally! What the hell happened??????

There were two major things happening that got me annoyed. First of all the Nugitsunay(??) storyline ended abruptly. The moment they figured out how to end it was over, way too easy if you ask me. They could’ve made it more interesting, but they chose not to, I wonder why?

The other thing was the ending. When in the series has Derek ever asked Stiles for advice? I know Stiles knows more about the difference between sleep and being awake than the rest, but still. Why was Stiles in school? Didn’t he have to rest, he must have been tired from his whole experience, but i can understand if he wants distractions, so i can get over that.

What I can’t get over is that ENDING!! Bringing Kate back, wth, this isn’t The Vampire Diaries!!!!!! Not watching that show any longer either, but i didn’t expect TW to go down this road. Peter being back I could understand, cause it helped the story, but this is just grasping at straws to make it interesting. If they couldn’t come up with something better, they should’ve pulled the plug. This was such a good season and now they’ve ruined it……

As much as I love Scott, Stiles, Lydia, Derek, Coach (he was awesome!!!) and even Peter, I think I’m out.

Sorry guys, but I can’t watch a good show go down.


SPN Blade Runners

Last night the newest episode of Supernatural was aired and here’s my thought’s on it. Overall I thought it was a great episode, the acting was amazing and it was well written.

However I thought that there was some redundancy and the thing that I really dislike about TV-shows is their redundancy. What I’m talking about is Crowley, they double crossed them again, seriously? They weren’t expecting that even what they’ve been going through in the past with Crowley. That Dean is a bit of his rocker is obvious, cause he really doesn’t care (I talk about that later) but Sam really must’ve known Crowley would’ve had his own plan. That was something that I really didn’t wanna see. And besides that Dean is the owner of the blade, why isn’t he able to “zap” it over to him at will (or maybe that’s because he doesn’t know how to use that part of him yet).

I was glad to see that Sam noticed the affect the Mark of Cain had on Dean and that he was able to pull him back from where he was heading. What I hope is that not everything is forgiven from the last episodes. I hated to see the brothers in a rift, but I will not accept it when it’s all over now, I haven’t seen the strain in this episode and I hope we’ll see it next one, cause I’m sure it’s still there. It has to be, it can’t be over like this not after everything that’s been said. Sam did notice that Dean’s affected by the First Blade and the Mark of Cain but I think and I hope that at some point Dean can disappear, like Cain can, and that he just doesn’t care anymore. He is becoming a killer (we’ve seen bits and pieces about that in the last couple of episodes and I really like where that’s going) and I really like seeing him change, Dean being affected by something else other than Sam’s pain or mistakes.

What I hope is that Dean will be able to disappear and just goes crazy, obsessed with his blade and not being able to get found by Sam or anything. I want to see what happens between them than and how they both react to that. We just watched Sam with a bit of a concern, but I believe the rift will grow and that’s a cool thing to look forward to. Don’t get me wrong my feelings are all over the place watching these two get hurt or in pain, but it would be interesting to see how that’ll work out. I’m sure they would play it perfectly, cause they always do.

As much as I love Crowley, I hope they are able to kill him soon, cause this double crossing them is getting too obvious and old. I hope they either cure him or kill him….. He was so great on his bender last night and his being hooked on human blood. I still don’t get how Dean hasn’t been able or wanted to cure him. They know how to do it and I know that Sam can’t because of the trials, but Dean is (or least he was before his Mark) able to cure him. Now he probably don’t care about any of it, cause he stopped caring about anything, well except Sam and Baby (obviously, and WHY did they have to do that to her????? ;))

It is amazing though that I totally have no clue about what happens or how the story will evolve and it’s amazing that a show can still do this in it’s 9th season. I don’t believe the story about Dean and his mark will be resolved in this season, oh I hope not. I do think that the Angel and Heaven storyline should finish in this season. Metatron is such an annoying person and I really not feel him being a part of this story, it is now, but I think it’s better when he’s not around and Heaven is open again, cause with heaven closed all the souls are still stuck behind the vail and that’s not a pretty sight (as Kevin pointed out).

Too blind to see

I just realized something about myself, but what else is new right 😉

The thing that I realized is that my whole life there where, in fact, people who did liked me. I always thought that no one ever liked me, but come to think about it, that was not true. Because of all the bullying I went through I was too blind to see otherwise.

Family of course liked me, but that’s the point of family right 😉 I had a couple of friends or as I would like think, people who didn’t hate me and tolerated me, the people that hung out with me. I don’t think they hung out with me out of pity, but because they really wanted to hang out with me. So that means they liked me right 😉 And that’s a good thing.
I don’t remember a whole lot of my youth and I think that might be still the thing that draws me to high school tv shows and movies. I never had that high school experience that most people had. Now I don’t care that I hadn’t cause that must have been so hard too. I don’t mind that I barely remember any of my school years, they were never fun for me anyways, but I have peace about it now (as you can read in my story about being bullied) and it is okay.

I have a good life and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if someone would ask me if I’d do it different, I would say no. Cause if I would do something different I wouldn’t be where I am right now and wouldn’t have been able to do the amazing things I have been doing the last couple of years and I probably wouldn’t have been this strong. I have great people in my life and I have an amazing future ahead of me and I’m going to make my dreams come true and that’s all that matters. As Tim Riggins in Friday Night Lights liked to say “No regrets” oh and “Texas forever” but the latter I’m not so sure about, like the saying though 😀

Have a good night y’all!


Acting class 8/8

Sorry if I haven’t written right away at Wednesdays last acting class, but there there is a reason for that. The reason I haven’t written a post about the last acting class is because I didn’t go. The last class wasn’t last Wednesday but the week before.

I’ve been nervous for going to that class since day one. I got over the nerves and went anyways the rest of the days, but the last day I really didn’t want to go. I had this feeling in my gut that I shouldn’t go, but I didn’t know why I didn’t want to go. I thought to myself, why am I not going? Is it because I’m afraid or is it because it doesn’t feel good, even though it’s the last class. I talked to some colleagues of mine and they said, just make a decision. If I didn’t want to go, why was it, would I go just to prove other people that I could show up even though it didn’t feel right to go? I was thinking about the other people more than myself. I needed to do what I thought was correct and not think about what other people would think of me if I didn’t go.

I asked my friend what I should do and she asked me a simple question (I’ll write the nicest words down ;)). She asked: are you afraid to go or are you just really really hating it to go? I told her the latter, if I’m scared of something I do it anyway, but this really didn’t feel good. Than my colleague walked by and asked what we’re doing and I told her about my decisiveness. She asked: Does it give you energy in the end or does it drain you if you go? I could easily tell her it would drain me. So I decided. I wouldn’t go. And it felt GOOD. I made a decision just for my and not for other people. I did what felt right and while walking home a weight was lifted and I was proud to make this decision, just for me. After that I thought about it and I still stick my it and I’m not even thinking about what the other people there might’ve thought about it. And that’s what makes it different than other decisions I took in the past. I always weighted other peoples opinions, or at least what they might think about me, and not listening to my own feelings or acting upon my own instinct. So all in all it was a good day 🙂

It wasn’t my style of teaching. I am sure there are a lot of people who like being thought like he did, but it wasn’t for me. I get that we have to do the same thing, so we could get better at it, but his way of getting us out of our comfort zone were a bit to raunchy for my taste.

I think I’m gonna try sometime again, but than I would like to know what the curriculum looks like and how the course is being thought so I know I’ll make the right call. Either way I learned a few things and I did my best and I know what I can in acting. I also know where I stand and what I need to work on if I go take an other course, but that’s something to think about later.

For now I’m glad I took the step to take acting class, see where my boundaries lie and how I would act in some circumstances. I know it helped me get to the point of standing up for me in “real” life and also follow my gut so it’s all plusses for me 😀

Dean and his Mark

I’ve got a few theories about Dean and his new found Mark. It all starts when he’s in Hell torturing, and maybe even before that. It’s a long story, and it might not be very fluid, so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make to much sense….

“You can’t escape me Dean, you’re gonna die and this is what you’re gonna become” I think he partly became that Dean when he went to hell and “liked” the torture. I don’t believe he really liked the torture, but I think he embraced it, because he really had no other option to embrace torturing souls other than being tortured himself. I think, knowing Alistair, he has been torturing souls that weren’t bad in the first place, so the “I made a deal with the devil” people, who weren’t bad but just made a bad call. I wish I could think it was only really bad people Dean had to torture, but knowing who made him torture I’m afraid he didn’t… And no matter what it were still souls, no matter how bad of a person it would’ve been, it’s still torture and it still was horrific, no matter if it was deserved (torture is never deserved anyway, but you know what I mean….)

Dean shut himself off of everything in Hell (and maybe he pretended to like torture, cause it’s easier to do something really bad with a smile on your face than not) and also after he came back. I also think that the horseman told him he was already dead inside because that’s what he really felt. He shut of his feelings because it would hurt to much if he let any feelings in. I think Dean might’ve been dead long before John died. Dean has been saying he was tired of this life from the first or second season and I think Dean died a lot when his mom died, Sam left for college and than John died. I think that all affected him not in a good way. I think his childhood (taking care of Sammy and being a good soldier) made him (feel) dead inside.

Dean told Cas something like “if I get in there, you’re not gonna like what’s coming out”. He didn’t change  while trying to torture Alastair, he couldn’t because he was feeling guilty about all the souls and he didn’t want to get back to that “person”. He pulled himself out and that’s why he couldn’t get through to Alastair, which I think is amazing, cause he could’ve just let everything go and became a torturer again……. I think that there’s still a piece of Dean we haven’t seen, but it’s not in the pit, it’s stuck deep inside of himself (although Alastair said: “You left a part of yourself back in the Pit, lets see if we can’t get the two of you back together shall we?”). Dean feels so bad about what he did and he doesn’t want to think about it, but it’s still in him. He buries everything that he doesn’t want to talk about or think about but he needs to remember what he did, how bad it got, so he can do better and be a better hunter. That is what I think. It’s not in Hell, it’s in himself and sometimes he might need to do things he really doesn’t want to and than he will pull something out of himself so he can do the things other people can’t, if that makes any sense……..Maybe we get to see it when the Mark of Cain progresses to change him…

Cas asked Dean: “Why do you think you don’t deserved to be saved?” I think he always felt second place to Sam. He was the one who had to take care of him, no matter what happened, take care of Sam. He’s been feeling guilty all his life. His whole life revolves around Sam, he’s feeling guilty and responsible for everything Sammy had to go through and he will always have his back. Dean is just going through the motions, living a live, protecting Sam. Making sure Sammy is okay and for the rest of it, who cares what happens to me… That’s so sad though, but that’s Dean and that’s why I Love him, that makes Dean Dean. It’s hard to look at but it’s amazing at the same time. .

I think Cain told Dean he was worthy of the Mark because he really is. He is his brothers keeper, he went to Hell for his brother and basically Cain did the same right. He didn’t want Able to go to Hell so he killed him so he could go to heaven. And than he became Lucifers puppet, until he met his wife. I don’t think it’s because of Dean torturing in Hell, I think it’s about not feeling worthy about being alive and he couldn’t care less what happens to him as long as his brother is safe… In the Croatoan episode Dean said, again, he was tired of this life. The only reason I think Dean is still “standing” is because he made a promise when he was very little. The promise to “Take care of Sammy” and he’s never done anything less than taking care of him. Even when Sam didn’t have a soul, when he was addicted to demon blood, when he was with Ruby, during the trials, skipping the last trial, tricking Sam into saying yes to Zeke/Gadreel and so on.

So according to the bible Cain is the father of murder now, which isn’t good, but hell was not very pleasant as well 😉 The fact that the Mark makes sure Dean doesn’t have any family left (I read somewhere that that’s also an affect of the Mark) makes him a better killer. Cain made sure he only killed demons I believe, so Dean can do that too… I think his time in Hell may have prepared him for this …..A shitty new live but be doesn’t care about himself anyways so why not some more burdens to bare and guilt to cary and whatever right (I think as Dean now, not as myself…)…. I don’t think Dean can suffer any more as he does right now. He’s filled with guilt and I think that’s why he is a perfect candidate for the Mark of Cain, I don’t think Cain would’ve given Dean the Mark if he knew he couldn’t handle it. Cause Cain is not a bad guy, he want’s to do good so I think he picked the one person who could handle the Mark the most which obviously is Dean. Maybe he still is a bit dead in side…

I’ve read that Lucifer made a deal with Cain to kill Able so that Able didn’t get to Hell. So I think Lucifer gave Cain the Mark so he could do bad stuff and create monsters. Cain created the Night’s of Hell right? So that must’ve been a command of Lucifer.. I’m still confused about Littlith though, cause she was the first demon right, but than she must’ve been as old or older as Abadon, cause Cain created the first Night’s of Hell, or was Lillith made by a Night of Hell??? Wow now I’m confused………Okay back to the point.. I don’t think Lucifer is giving any orders anymore, cause he’s still fighting with Michael in the cage. I have no ideas or clues about what his influence on Dean will have…….. ohhhhhhh shit I just came up with a theory which will freak the hell out of you, so SORRRYYYY in advance!!!!!!

What if Sam will say YES to Lucifer again???? You know “The End”, “no matter what details you alter, we will always end up back here”? We know Sam and Dean are drifting apart, what if Dean gets so dark he opens up Lucifers cage so he could posses Sam (cause Sam already said yes to him once so I don’t think he need his permission again right, but than again Gadreel asked permission to enter his “first” vessel so I might be wrong) and than when Dean has to kill Cain the Mark will disappear and Dean is all alone again trying to get Sam back……… I don’t know, it just popped up in my mind, something like that…. So back to the point.

I think the Mark already is slowly affecting Dean, well maybe it’s affecting Sam a bit more now (remember the distancing of family because of the Mark?) than it is Dean, but I think it can’t change to fast, cause otherwise people will notice to quickly and can do something about it. I think that’s the whole point of the Mark. Slowly changing  you and the people around you so they wouldn’t question what you’re doing and than just leave when they had enough and than you’re all alone. I’ve noticed Dean is getting quicker (remember him throwing knives) and his decisions about what to kill (remember the phishtaco lady….) I think Dean will kill Abaddon with the help of Crowley, I also think he will kill Crowley after that but he can only do that while he is still somewhat like he is now. When he still has morals and knows what’s right. I don’t know how dark he will and can get, but I hope he doesn’t destroy the bunker, cause that’s where all the knowledge is right….. Ohh wow another creepy thought: if Dean really becomes “evil” he might not like all the knowledge in the bunker and he might want to destroy it so Sam, or Charlie or whoever can find the information to save him from the Mark……. I really hope that when Dean gets “evil” the bunker will “spit” him out and he can’t enter, so all the knowledge is saved and he can be too….I don’t think Dean will ask Sam to save him, cause he probably believes that he won’t. I think Dean won’t notice when he turns or changes, I think he might get off of the radar so that Sam even doesn’t know where he is and can’t find him. I think there will be a great rift between the brothers, both don’t care for one or the other and someone else will have to save them both.

Dean will get a lot darker when Sam is pulling out more. Sam has always been Dean’s anchor, remember at the end of The End Dean tells Sam “We keep each other human”? I think that’s what happening here. Sam is pulling out slowly so Dean is getting less and less human. It would’ve probably happen sooner, if they weren’t this close but now with the Mark it’ll happen soon. I think Sam is also a bit confused about what he is doing or what is happening to him. Remember when he walked away to his room when Kevin left? He was hesitant to open his bedroom door and was doubting if he would enter or get back to Dean, he chose to get into the room, but I think he really didn’t want to though…..

As long as they are still on jobs together there’s a chance they will be okay. I’m just afraid that something might happen soon, that Sam decides to quit working with Dean. I don’t know why, maybe when he will kill Abaddon or Crowley and he goes off the rails when doing that.

I have no clue about how Cas will react. I know he will be pissed at Dean, but I also think he might understand why he did it. I don’t want Cas to have the answer though, cause it’ll be a quick fix and that’s something I don’t want for Dean. I want to see him struggle, I want to see his dark side, his really really dark side, I want to see how much different he is when he is evil and I want to see how manipulative he can be when he is evil. I think that will be quit interesting. I also think they might not even get to save Dean when season 9 ends. I hope it won’t cause it’s a good storyline. I think this season is about the rift between Sam and Dean and I think next season they might be able to help each other and get back together again. I really hope they’re gonna kill Metatron, cause I really really don’t like him! I don’t hate people, but he is so annoyingly bad I want him dead as soon as possible.

I don’t think Cas will have a lot of time to see Sam and Dean, but that’s also because they won’t get in touch with him. Sam doesn’t know or care what will happen to Dean so he won’t call Cas. And Dean won’t get in touch with Cas, cause he doesn’t know what’s happening to him and has other priorities. 

I read Dean is the only one who can kill Cain with his own blade and while having the Mark. I don’t think it matters so much that he might get 7 times more of guilt and suffering, because he couldn’t care less. He’s been suffering so much already this won’t be anything new for him.. Maybe the moment Dean kills Cain Cain can remove the mark from Dean? I don’t know if that’s a possibility but maybe the Mark leaves when Cain dies, that sounds nice, doesn’t it 🙂 That does mean Sam won’t have to save Dean though, and maybe that’s how it’s going to turn out. I don’t know, I think this season the brothers aren’t going to save each other when they need to. Well unless it’s on a hunt, but that’s different.

I think it’ll be a long season (and we only have 8 episodes left). I really hope they only finish the Angel storyline this season and not de Mark of Cain one, cause there’s so much to explore with that one.

Michael vs Dean & Cain vs Dean

Michael, Cain and Dean are so much alike. I realized that watching the conversation between Michael and Dean in “The Song Remains the Same”:

Michael: You are my true vessel not my only one.

Dean: What’s that supposed to mean?

Michael: It’s a blood line.

Dean:  A blood line?

Michael: Stretching back to Cain and Abel. It’s in your blood, your fathers blood, your families blood.

Dean: Awesome, six degrees of heaven bacon. What do you want with me?

Michael: You really don’t know the answer to that?

Dean: You know I ain’t going to say yes, so why are you here. What do you want with me.

Michael: I just want you to understand what you and I have to do.

Dean: Oh I get it. You’ve got beef with your brother, well get some therapy pall. Don’t take it out on my planet!

Michael: You are wrong. Lucifer defied our father and he betrayed me, but still I don’t want this any more that you would want to kill Sam. You know my brother, I practically raised him. I took care of him in ways most people would never understand and I still love him. But I’m going to kill him, because it is right and I have to.

Dean: Oh because God says so.

Michael: Yes. From the beginning he knew this was how it was going to end.

Dean: And you are just gonna do whatever God says.

Michael: Yes, because I am a good son.

Dean: Trust me pall. Take it from someone who knows, that is a dead end street.

Michael: And you think you know better, than my father. The one unimportant little man. What makes you think you got to choose?

Dean: Because I need to believe that I can choose what I do with my unimportant little life.

Michael: You are wrong. You know how  I know? Think of a million random acts of change that let John and Mary be born, to meet, to fall in love, to have the two of you. Think of the million random choices that you make and yet that each and every one of them brings you closer to your destiny. Do you know why that is? Because it’s not random, it’s not chance, it’s a plan that’s playing itself out perfectly. Free will is an illusion Dean. That’s why you are going to say yes……

This is when I realized John and God are so much alike: John said something like that to Dean. If you can’t save Sam you have to hill him. This was in Season one! It also made me think (again) that Dean and Michael are so much alike. Michael raised Lucifer, Dean raised Sam in ways no one could understand and ever will. Their relationship with their brothers are so rare and complicated I don’t think anyone can relate or understand except those four. Or maybe six if you count Cain and Abel. I don’t know much about Cain and Abel, but I know Cain made a deal with Lucifer so save his brother, so his brother could go to heaven and his soul was meant for Hell. So did Dean, he sold his soul for Sam and went to Hell.

I was just thinking maybe this was Gods plan after all. Not the apocalypse but Dean taking on the Mark of Cain so Cain can finally rest in peace. I don’t know if Cain’s soul is meant for Hell, but I know he’s done with living and just wants to die. Cain and Abel were the first sons of God I believe (don’t shoot me if I’m wrong, I am not religious and I am not sure if I’m totally right, but correct me if I’m wrong I would like to know), than Abel was the first person to die and Cain is the first murderer. He did that to safe his brother (as we are told by Supernatural, which we all know can bent history a bit ;)).

Maybe everything that happened to Sam and Dean (the hunters verses the Men of Letters) is so Cain can be released of his sin, and go peacefully. The Men of Letters have knowledge that is more than 2000 years old, so there must be a solution for removing the Mark somewhere there. Now that finally the Hunters and the Men of Letters are getting along well (well not now, cause Sam and Dean are in a fight, but you know what I mean). Hunters know what it is like to have knowledge on their side and Men of Letters know what Hunters are going through so pairing up Mary and John was perfect. Cain can finally be set free, cause his own bloodline will be the only one to be worthy enough to kill him and take on the Mark. I also think that Dean being the righteous man might have something to do with it. Maybe all this righteousness has been part of him being the one to stop Lucifer, but also part of him being ready to cary the Mark of Cain. “The one who begins it is the only one who can finish it” Castiel said to Dean when he told him that Dean did break the first seal. Cain was righteous to sacrifice himself for his brother and so was Dean.

God put the Mark on Cain and if God knew how it’ll all must end he knew Dean would be the only one who could. Dean is already death inside (as famine tells him in My Bloody Valentine) and  it will have to take someone who can handle a lot to take on the Mark (Dean has been tortured for 30 years in Hell and he gave out the torture for about 10, so he knows evil).

That’s just a couple of my thoughts about the six of them.

Sam Winchester I feel for you

I’ve been a Dean girl from the get go which doesn’t mean I don’t love Sam as much, just different. Everybody has a favorite character and that’s okay.

It is so hard to write a coherent story about Sam. I’ve got so many thoughts about him and the moment I write something down I feel like I’m not doing it right. Maybe because I don’t understand Sam as much as I (think I) understand Dean. So please bare with me on this one.

I believer Sam has been a psychic from the moment he was born, and I think he still is. I don’t think that Azazel made him become a psychic, he only made sure that he was able to be Lucifers vessel by having demon blood in his body. Remember when Azazel was in Saint Mary’s and asked Lucifer what to do? Lucifer than said “Find the boy”. And he did. That must’ve meant Sam was already special. We find out that he was Lucifers vessel, cause that’s what was written and the prophecy, but we didn’t know that by than. In the episode where Sam and Dean are trying to find the sixth month old babies and go on the hunt to kill the demon, because their dad is being called away by Meg. In that episode Sam has a vision about a baby named Rosie and when he meets her and her mom the mom tells Sam something like “She just looks at you, I swear she knows what people think”. I think that is what Azalel did, find all the children with already special powers, but just infect them with demon blood so they can turn evil, as a lot of them did, not all but most of them. I can’t keep thinking about poor Andy, I hope Ash has found him too and made him feel comfortable in his Road House 😉 But that’s beside the point.

That is also why I don’t think that Sam is “healed” from being psychic, I think it’s just buried inside him. I don’t think he knows it’s still in him though. I think he believes that after the opened Lucifers cage that with the demon blood gone the powers are gone too. And when he do finds out he still has those powers he might be to afraid to use them cause he is scared of what will happen if he taps into them. The demon blood, yes that is something Azazel did to him and I really hope he’s being cured of that, but I believe he would still be able to pull demons out with his powers.

Also Ruby told him it had to be him and he always was special. She just gave him the options and he chose the “right” ones. He had it in him the whole time and she made sure he got hooked on the blood. I felt so bad for him when Dean finds out that Sam is pulling demons right after Cas had said that it if he didn’t stop they would have to stop him. That moment in the hotel room where Dean says “If I didn’t know you, I would want to hunt you” was heart breaking. Sam only did what he think was right, it felt right (well except for the demon blood, cause that he knew was bad) to being able to help people without killing them. And I think that was went it all went wrong. He wanted to do what was right and that backfired. It doesn’t mean that it was his fault that Lucifer was set free, cause it was Dean who broke the first seal, but it still backfired. The moment that the gate opened and the fire is out we see that Dean is trying to pull Sam away but the look on Sam’s face when he says “Dean, he is coming” was almost satisfying and it scared the hell out of me. I don’t know if it was pride and the dark side of Sam coming out, but it was a scary moment, cause in that moment I really thought he was going to say yes right away…..

Sam never wanted the life of a hunter. Dean never knew had a life outside of hunting, it’s always been “Take care of Sammy”. Sam had a little longer of being a child than Dean (who was about 4 when he was thrown in the life, Sam about 9, which is still too young, don’t get me wrong but still), he went to Stanford for a few years and had a year off with Amelia. The episode The Dark Side of the Moon was gut wrenching. Mostly because we see that family means so much more to Dean than Sam. Don’t get me wrong Sam loves Dean, he is his brother, but he never felt being part of the family. He always felt an outsider, maybe because that’s what he is. He never wanted in and Dean was always the good soldier who did what he was told. But he did it all for Sam, he still does and maybe that’s what makes me not understand Sam as much nowadays.

I think the difference between Sam and Dean is that Dean always had a purpose. As written before he took care of Sammy and he always will. Sam’s first and foremost thought is “I don’t want this life”. I think he might still blame his dad for getting them into this life. He accepted it, but he still hasn’t embraced the life, not like Dean has. This doesn’t mean that Dean doesn’t makes mistakes. His biggest one is letting Ezekiel (a.k.a. Gadreel) posses Sam so he could cure him. That he was played we all saw coming, but we wanted to believe he was the good guy. He was until Metatron came along…. The biggest mistake Dean made here wasn’t so much tricking Sam into saying yes to Ezekiel but lying about it. You could see he didn’t want to lie about this, cause this was to big, but he didn’t want his brother to die so he caved.

Maybe because Sam never had to make such a big decision for Dean  is that he doesn’t get it. It hasn’t been his life’s mission to take care of Dean so he probably doesn’t understand how much Dean has done for him and how it would be like to be in Deans shoes. He appreciate that he was always there for him, that he really does, but I don’t think he gets it.

He cares for Dean, that we all know and have seen mostly in the first 5 seasons. He wanted Dean out of hell and tried his best to do so, but when Dean went to purgatory it was over. He went off and didn’t look back. And I get it, he didn’t have anyone anymore and just wanted to get away from it all (again). It doesn’t mean  I hated him for doing that though. Not looking for Dean and Kevin. Until the moment Dean and Amelia tell Sam “Two feet in or two feet out” Sam never dedicated his life to being a hunter. That moment there he made a decision to give his all for being a hunter. Until they boarded up hell, cause then he was out. He still had that doubt about being out after…. He always had that.

  • When we find dad, I’m out
  • When we kill the demon, I’m out
  • When we board up hell, I’m out

I think now that he has a purpose with the Men of Letters that he finally embraces the life. Maybe not as a hunter but at least as a Men of Letters.

The rift between Sam and Dean now is understandable. Dean lied and about something huge, so it’s hard to get over that. On the other hand we all know Sam would do exactly the same for Dean. He says that’s not true but I don’t believe that for a second. I think the Sam we are seeing now is a Sam Dean needs to see because of the Mark of Cain. I won’t get into that to deep, but I believe they will figure it all out. I hope sooner than later, but than again it’s Supernatural so it probably won’t 😉

I could probably write a lot more about Sam and I might write a long one about my thoughts of the Mark of Cain and it’s affects, but for now I’m done.

Have a good one!