What is it with th is damn TV show?
I know, I know, I know, I just wrote about Sons of Anarchy a few weeks ago and now there’s another. Why? Because I have to write it, I can’t keep this inside, cause it keeps my mind too busy and I can’t think or feel anything else but this show, these characters, these bonds, this love and hurt. So my only option is to write it down. I don’t know if it’s redundant, but I don’t really care, cause I need to get it out.
I think the thing that gets me the most is that it’s about forgiveness and about love. There’s so much stuff going on, so much betrayal, so much hate, so much deception and so much fear about losing the people they think they own. There’s backstabbing, there’s lying and controlling others, there’s “you can’t win because I am better” and “you can’t have that/ that person cause they/it belong(s) to me and me only” that sometimes it overwhelms me how people can be so cruel and intentionally try to hurt other people.
The “I hurt you because you hurt me” and the “look at all that I’ve done for you so you need to do this for me or……” are too common on this show and I wish there was less of that going on. I somewhat understand why they make the choices they make and where that hurt comes from, but I feel bad for them that they can’t seem to find another way to fix whatever it is that’s broken or hurt. I strongly believe the lack of love for themselves is one of the reasons there’s so much hurt or so much needed of possession that it breaks my heart for most of them.
To have such a bad history in your family that the only way out you feel like is to do some horrible things that take away parts of your humanity. And then little by little by the one you love giving you back some parts of what you used to have you get it back. To not being able to talk to each other anymore when you used to tell each other everything.
The way some of those people use people and play with their lives like it is a game and don’t care about the consequences for those people is something I don’t think I will ever be able to understand.
Also the jumping to conclusions man! People know half of the truth and create a story around it. They see something and jump to conclusions before they even know what’s really going on. That’s why most of the people get hurt. Maybe that’s why most people in life get hurt, because they either don’t know the whole story or listen to others telling them a story they don’t know the truth about. There is so much judgement and assumption around that sometimes it’s really hard to see what’s really going on. Maybe we want to hear that particular story to make us feel how we need to feel. Maybe we choose to listen to someone while we don’t really believe them or want to believe them but don’t know where to look for to find the real truth.
There’s a lot of collateral damage and unintentional hurting of others but besides all that and all that hurt and basically people lacking love there is much love in this show. There’s a brotherhood, there’s a deep love between Jax and Tara, there’s trying to be good and trying to do the right think cause you want to do better. The love between the brothers in the MC is incredible. It didn’t start out like it, but around S4/ 5 it becomes more and more clear how much they all love each other. Not that in the earlier seasons that didn’t exist but it was different.
Because of all the incredibly hard choices that have to be made and all the horrible things people feel like they have to do there’s a lot of forgiving. Understanding why people have to do certain things and forgiving them for them. To feel like you have to do horrible things to protect the people that you love and forgiving them when they feel like they see no other way.
Accepting kindness and being grateful for it while turning into something or someone you would rather not become keeps you from totally losing yourself into the darkness.
Jax and Tara have an incredible bond and such an incredible love that it’s inspiring. How it all ended broke my heart, it still breaks my heart thinking about all the things that happened to them and how they tried over and over again to make a right decision, to get out of the live, but also to love each other so deeply that it hurts and you want to do right by the other, to want to stay with each other even though you know something awful might happen. To be so honest to each other that you know every single detail, all the bad and all the good and still stand by each other and that it doesn’t matter. All the little things they do, the looks, the hugs, the honesty, the touches as little as they are, mean so much. And that even though in the end they had such an incredible hard time they still let their love for each other win. Jax making the sacrifice to give himself up so that Tara and their boys could be safe and out of trouble. It makes it feel real and something to aim for.
To have a group of people you spend time with daily who love you so much is something I wish I had. I have a lot of love in my live, I have so many friends/ family scattered over the NL, UK and US and I love them dearly but I wish I had them all closer. To have a clubhouse we’d hang out after work or whenever and could sleep there if we wanted it too. To have gatherings, parties and just plain fun with the people I love the most. I should try and figure out how to accomplish something like that and to set up such a community will be something I’m really going to think about and set my mind to.
For now it’s time to let this show go. Let the characters go, give them a place in my heart and move on. It’s been an emotional ride for a few weeks and even though it hurt like hell, I’m so glad I found Jax and was a part of his journey.