Me and two weeks with the Charming m.c.

Oh man, what a ride it’s been these last couple of weeks.

This show about a Charming motorcycle club got it’s hooks into me like no other show has ever done. Never ever have I felt this much watching a show, not even Supernatural. This show has spun me upside down and tore my heart open. It’s been brutal, it’s been heart shredding but over all it’s been real. It felt real and that’s because of the incredible cast and crew. I’ll be forever grateful for them to create this.

As many of you know I love watching movies and TV shows. I love the characters and I connect with them, I learn form them and I grow tremendously while following them. With some characters there’s this bond that is so tight from the get go that I don’t know where it came from or how it happened. I’ve learned to trust these characters come in my life when I need them. There are also times that when I’m just doing my thing I feel and act like them, like I am them and even though I know I am not I feel me being them.

  

Sons of Anarchy is a series about Jax (Jackson) Teller being part of the motor cycle club Sons of Anarchy in a small town called Charming, California. The show is 7 seasons with 13 episodes (varying from 42 – 70+ minutes). I came across it a couple of weeks ago and the moment I started it got me. I watched it when I could and I was done exactly 2 weeks later. And it left me incredibly sad. These pivotal moments of the show left me literally crying and shaking and it’s been an experience to say the least.

The show is about an mc, drugs, guns and porn. It’s about family, bond, friendship, pain, strength, loss, fear, lies, betrayal, mc code and most of all about love. The love of a man who loves his club and his family so much and seeing it go down hill while he can’t do anything about it.

This is a thank you to Jax Teller, an incredible man with a huge heart who’s always tried to do the right thing.

Thank you Jax, you thought me how to cry again and how to feel again without stuffing it down. I owned it and I sat with all the hurt and that’s been new. As painful as it was, it was incredible all the same.

You showed me the struggle of wanting to do the right thing and trying to the best you can. You wanted to fix something that was already so broken even before you had a part in it. You thought me what it meant to be in a club with a code to unimaginable it’s still hard to wrap my head around. Being pulled into so many directions by the people in your life who all want something different for you. Who all claim to love you but all have different agendas.

You showed me a world I’d never given much thought about and made it real. The love you have for SAMCROW and what you believe it should stand for, where it should’ve gone back too but never quite got there. The love you have for the boys, your boys, your family and the way they all loved you. I’ve never seen so many hugs and “I love you”s in a show or even in real life. It’s inspiring and more people should be able to show that to others. The way you choose to forgive where you can and the hardship of “having to execute” the code is something I don’t know I’ll ever understand.

Your pain, your struggle and your love felt so real and all the crap you went through to try and make it better still breaks my heart. I’m so sorry this was your life, a life full of extremes, full of things that shouldn’t be normal. You might’ve not been able to be a good outlaw and a good father at the same time, but you are a good man, you’ve always been and always will be.

Thank you Jax Teller for changing and being part of my life, it’s going to be very hard letting you go. I love you deeply and will miss you terribly.

Friendships

A hand full of people is the amount of people I call my family. Next to my family I have a circle of good friends. Some of my friends I see once a few months, some more, some less. Every friendship is different and it amazes me how a friendship can evolve and the bonds between some get stronger.

Here’s a couple of amazing things I want to share with you. First of all the fact that I never had many friends. The people surrounding me where always talking about so many people and hanging out with groups of friends. I never had that and I was a bit jealous of those people. Later I learned that most of those big group friendships where jut people to hang out with, nothing more. They didn’t care to care much about people, they just wanted to hang out. That’s okay, I’m not saying it isn’t but that’s not friendship for me. Friendship for me is the people in my life who are here unconditionally, no matter how crazy I am, no matter what. They are here for me because they want to be in my life. They want to share my highs and go with me through the lows and I’m oh so grateful I have these amazing people in my life now!

Some friends I don’t see a lot, only a couple of times a year (or for my international friends even once a couple of years) but when we are together it’s like we’ve never parted. With some I just hang, relax, talk a bit but are able to just be. Just sit and not talk, don’t feel obligated to talk at all, and I like that. With some I go deep, deep conversations, amazing ideas and just going crazy, which I love too 😀 Cause let’s face it: We’re all a little wacky, we’re all a little weird 😉

There’s one lady that truly is my soulmate (I’ve wrote about her before). She’s my sister, and when I need a brother she’s that for me too 🙂 Every time we are together, on the phone or just via text or e-mail I feel we’re growing closer to each other. And that’s such an amazing feeling to have. And I don’t know where our friendship will go but I’m sure she will always be there.

With other friends I feel some distance, but that’s okay. I believe that the people who are in your life are there for a reason. They have to be there at that stage in your life and when it’s time to grow or leave this stage you might have to leave those people too. I’m not saying you have to get rid of your friends when you step into a different stage in your life, I’m just saying the friendships will be different accordingly. I used to pull about friendships when I thought people were going to leave. I’ve put so much effort in previous friendships that really weren’t friendships, cause they didn’t treat me like I did them. And it has cost me so much energy that I’m not doing that any more. I get in touch with people of course, but if they don’t reply I’m not going to think much of it any more. They either want to be part of my life or they don’t it’s that simple. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend time with my friends, I’m just not going to be pull so hard anymore.

An other story is about a friend I made online, through Twitter to be exact. I don’t know exactly how we got to talking, well it started with tweets about SPN but than it came to poems I believe. I saw a poem of hers and she asked if I could look at the English and help her out with that. So I did and than we got to talking and now we’re e-mailing a whole lot. And about everything! I truly feel like she’s part of my family, she knows everything about me and knows exactly who I am and that’s something amazing. She sent me the following a couple of weeks back that got me teared up.

“And I am really glad that I have you in my life, there are only few people who really get me and you are one of them. You are special! 🙂 There are so many things that I share only with you! With you I can be myself. I can say whatever I want and you have helped me in so many ways..so Thank you! 🙂

You are a great human being and an awesome friend. You are an angel who brightens everyone’s life 🙂 You have your own problems to deal with yet you take time to listen to other people’s problems and try to help them. You are different because we never met, never actually spoke and still you care about me and that’s something I have never seen in anyone in my entire life! You could have avoided me or just reply to me casually but you really cared and helped and you were there when I needed some one to motivate me..I don’t know how many times I have said this but you really are a part of my life and I’m really glad that we get along and became friends! 🙂

You are the strongest person I have know, You had a pretty rough past but you didn’t let it ruin your future, You did find your way and keep your self away from all the negativeness..only a strong person can do that.

You should share your feelings and problems with the ones who cares for you and I bet there are so many people who really care about YOU! You..just you, the way you are..you are perfect.. and believe me you can change people..and if you can change a person like me than you can definitely change the world if you want. 😉

“Don’t ever change” “

I feel the same about her. I know that with all of my friends I can talk about my problems, but I’m fortunate that I found people online that I can truly call my friends who I know will also always be there. And it is not just her it’s a bunch of other people too, their not as close as this amazing lady but that doesn’t mean it’s not special and I’m not grateful. I’m grateful for all the people in my life, the once that were and the ones that are.

So for all of you: Thank you!

-xoxo-