This is me

I just watched The Greatest Showman for the second time and all I can say is WOW. The songs, yes it’s a musical, are so spot on and I got emotional a lot. With the songs and what happens in the story. For anyone who hasn’t seen it and don’t want to know anything about it, should not read further. I’m not spoiling much but I write a little outline of the story.

The story is basically about the man who invented the Circus, P.T. Barnum and how he created these amazing shows for people using “unusual” people, outcasts of society and how they became family. The story is still relevant to this day cause people who are different and do “life” different are still made to feel disgusted, shameful and bad about themselves. And that pisses me off and that is putting it lightly. So when I saw that in the film I got mad, really really angry at the people who set that off in me.

One of the songs in the film “This is me” is so good and powerful, it hits me every time I see it. There’s this video about studio pitch (a read through where they basically try to sell the movie to the studio) and it’s a make it or break it day for the whole cast and what happens during this song is, for me at least, pure magic. Everyone is feeling it and I can feel it through the video. There is so much power and so much vulnerability from basically everyone in the room and it’s so beautiful and raw and yes I LOVE it!

The lyrics are about accepting and loving yourself and breaking through the “shame” and barriers of people who “are” normal and that you shouldn’t listen to all those who cannot accept the differences between people and (but that’s the way I see it) are afraid of things they don’t see as beautiful and as basically human. The chorus is:

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me


There’s a lot of people I know too are always looking at what is different about other people and laugh about it. I never got that. I’m different, I’ve always been different, I’ve never done life how you’re “supposed” to live life. Maybe I don’t have a “weird or strange” appearance, but I’ve not lived the way society is portrayed. Like having boyfriends in your teens, having a family in your 30’s and having a career (making good money) and a house in those years as well. I’ve never done that, I never really cared for it to be honest, but I’ve always felt the pressure from everyone about it. It felt like I was (am) doing life wrong. But that is the thing right, it’s MY life and I do it MY way. If you don’t like how I live it, don’t tell me or look at me funny, but just go, leave. If you can’t accept me for who I am and what I do I don’t want you in it. I’m not trying to change people, I like people the way they are. I don’t point out what’s different about that person to others, I don’t see it. All I see is a person, a human being who is living their life.

When I tell people I see movies or TV shows over and over again, I get this look, like “Oh come on, really, you’re weird” and people don’t understand it. But I don’t see the same movie or the same TV show. Every time I do I get this feeling, this amazing feeling (wether it’s really sad or happy or exciting, whatever) and I see a different movie or show. I see new things and I experience it differently.

Also people try and tell me, or explain and justify why they do things or don’t do things. When I talk about my tattoos I hear a lot “Well I might want to have one but……..” and that’s totally fine. Get one if you want to, or don’t if you don’t, I don’t care. I’m not trying to convince you to get one I’m just trying to explain what they mean to me and why I have them or get them.

The moment I start to talk about meditating I immediately feel a defence system going up and people get really really defensive about why they don’t. “Yeah I know I should do stuff like that, but………”, or “I want to try but I can’t empty my mind”, which is not how I look at meditation at all, or “It might be good for me but I don’t have the time….”. Okay that’s totally fine with me, but I’m not trying to tell you that you should do it, I’m just sharing my experiences. And yes sometimes they can be very different and hard to explain, which doesn’t mean I want a disapproving look or a look that I’m not “normal”. If you want me to explain what happens and how I do it, I’m happy to tell you. If you make fun of me about what happens during these sessions I’m not okay with that.

The same with songs or movies or shows. The fact that I like it doesn’t mean you have to like it, but don’t look at me like I’m crazy when I tell you I like One Direction or Bon Jovi or that I’ve seen King Arthur: Legend of the Sword like a 100 times and watched Sons of Anarchy over and over again. Don’t tell me it’s a waste of time and I should go to the gym or do something “useful”. You don’t know why I watch or listen to it, you don’t know what it’s giving me and what it does to me. What you think is “useful” I might think is a waste of time. Do I tell you that? No, cause it’s YOUR life and you live it the way you want to. I don’t have any say in it, and I’m not trying to. Would I tell you I’m worried about you if I am, YES, would I tell you what I think I would do in a certain situation, definitely, but I would NEVER ever tell you what you should do. I don’t know why you do the things you do and what it brings you and brought you to that point, so who am I to judge it or want to change it. I might ask why you made a choice like that, but just for me to try to understand or see where you came from, not so I can start telling you it’s wrong.

Does all of this mean I won’t think about people and all the thoughts I have about people are good thoughts? No, it just means if I think about someone in a certain way, I keep it to myself. They way I see someone is based on my relationship with that person and the energy between us and what is in the past, it doesn’t have anything to do with you so why would I try and put my thoughts about that person on you so you can form an opinion about someone based on what has happend to me? You should try and from your own opinion about someone based on your experiences with that person. And you can change that too. The fact that you don’t like someone now or that you have had a bad experience with someone doesn’t mean that you have to keep that point of view. If you change the way you feel about someone and try and look at it from a different perspective you can change the relationship and have good experiences with that person. You never know why someone is doing something. Someone might accidentally have hurt you because they where in a bad mood or something bad happend to them. Doesn’t mean they meant to hurt you and maybe they don’t even know they did. If you keep holding on to the one instance something bad happend, you will never ever be able to change it to what might become a great relationship.

What I would like in this brand new year is that people would stop looking at other people so much and just experience their own life to the fullest. Why would you want to make fun of someone else and how they look and what they do? Would you like it if someone would make fun of you? NO you wouldn’t. For me that is intentionally hurting people and if you want to do that in my company, you can leave it. If you talk bad about someone in front of me and try to make me go along, keep moving, cause I’m not having it. Be nice to people, be kind, act out of love, share good experiences, ask for help if you need it, try and look at different perspectives, see the good in life and in people and things. I know we’ve been raised with looking at things that aren’t good, but if you look at all the good in life, you can change yours, you can make it better, even if you have bad days.

I would also like to see people try and talk more about how they see things from their own perspective and not like it is like the way they see it. For instance when people say “that is a bad movie or a bad idea, or that person is a bad person”, I would like to see/ hear them say “I think ……. ” and maybe with an explanation or maybe not, maybe depending on the situation. And if people speak from themselves they can maybe open doors into another persons life or at least see where someone’s coming from.

Anyway I think I’ve gotten everything out that I held on to 😉

Go with love, go with life, go with happiness.

Much ❤