A random act of kindness makes a difference

I had this plan for a couple of weeks to write down all my fears, doubts, troubles and everything else I wanted to let go off. I suggested something like this to a couple of my friends and a few days ago I was lying in my bed and thought it was about time to do so myself. I wrote a lot of stuff down that I wanted to let go. On a different piece of paper  I wrote down what I wanted to let in.

Yesterday I went to a lake about 15 minutes from my house, I took my bike, and sat there for more than 1 hour just waiting for the right time to burn these pieces of paper. While sitting there other thought came to me and I wrote that down too.

While sitting and looking over the lake I kinda felt sad. I dunno why, probably because letting got of things is hard, but I just let me feel it. People where walking by and said hello, and I said hello back.

Than something amazing happened. I already said hello to this guy who walked the pier with his son. On their way back, I was eating an apple at that time, we said hello again and he asked “Is it tasty”, and I replied “Yes it is very tasty thank you”,  he said “Good” and they walked off. I don’t know why but I suddenly felt sad, it was such an amazing feeling, such an small act of kindness. I needed that and that felt good.

On my way back home (I still hadn’t burned the pages, cause I felt like I was going to get caught when people were seeing that… I did that later at home though) on my bike I passes an other biker and he smiled and said “Hello” first. Now normally I’m the one who’ll smile and say Hello to a person I pass by, this time I didn’t but someone else did and also that felt good!

The thought I immediately had was: That’s normally me! I normally say hello first, what if I passed someone in the past and brightened their day while just saying hello and smiled at them. That was an overwhelming feeling, I can tell you that. Definitely a good feeling too.

 

I felt so humbled about these little acts of kindness and felt like I had to write about it. This is really something I wanted to share with whomever just to show that how little the act may be people need them and people are so grateful when you give it to them. Just a simple hello can change someone’s day, for the better.

So keep in mind: be nice, be humble, say hello and just smile. Make another person’s day a good one just because you are you and you are kind!

Dean Winchester: how are you still standing?

After my last post about Supernatural Season 9 I figured it was time to write a post about Dean Winchester. I’ve been a Dean girl from the beginning I got hooked. Thoughts about writing a post about Dean have been in my head for quite some time so I thought, why not write it down now. The fact that this post isn’t about Sam doesn’t have anything to do that I don’t like Sam, I love Sam, but there is something about Dean that pulls me in.

Dean’s always been taking care of his family, from when he was 4 years old when their mother died. He carried Sammy out of the house and he’s been carrying Sam through the seasons. Even when Sam went to Stanford and wanted to get out of the life, Dean never really let him go. He left him starting an other life, but when Dean needed him he went and got him and never let him go.

The thing I love about Dean is that he stays human. He hasn’t changed a lot the last 8 seasons. He’s grown up more and he’s showing more feelings, but other than that he still fights for everyone that’s important to him and for the right cause. His moral compass is always right and even though he wanted to give in/up in Season 5 The Point of No Return he never has.  He never wants to let people down and even though he’s hurting he can still see straight.

I admire him that he’s been through so much (went to Hell, Purgatory, saw The End) and he’s still going. He must feel guilty about all the souls he tortured in Hell (even though we haven’t seen that guilt in a long time), the people that died because of them (Ellen, Jo, Pamela, Bobby, Meg, Frank, Sara to mention a few), the fact that he had to let Lisa and Ben go and forget about him, the fact that he was the first one to break a seal so that the Devil’s gate could open, that John Winchester died so he could live, the first time Sammy died and he had to make a deal himself to get Sammy back, leaving Cas in purgatory, letting Benny to go and save Sam in purgatory. I bet he still feels that he should’ve died and that Layla should’ve lived (in a great episode named Faith). I think that was the first one that actually made him feel really guilty. Also the fact that he couldn’t protect Sam from the pain of losing Jessica, his demon power, Sammy having to kill Madison, the blood addiction, killing Lilith, Ruby, Sam going to Hell, soulless Sam, that he was dead set on returning Sam’s soul no matter the consequences, the fact that Sam got hurt because of getting his soul back, the fact that Dean didn’t got the chance to do the trials in stead of Sam and that that broke Sam in more than one way. I don’t know how he’s still alive and kicking.

Also the fact that he makes so many hard decisions and thinks that he’s a grunt and doesn’t deserve happiness always gets to me. He is the one who always takes care of everybody else and makes sure the hard things are done. One of the episodes that really got to me was 2×20 What is and was Should Never be where Dean was “dreaming” about an other life. He got sent to a “happy” place where Jess and his mother were alive and happy. He sees how live can be and how happy the people he loves are. He had to make the hard decision to “snap out” of it, cause he knows that it isn’t real. He wants to stay but he knows that’s not the right decision for him and he goes back. That fact might still bother him too.

Dean sees more than other people. He observes and knows how to follow his gut. When he thinks/feels that things aren’t right he follows through and finds out if his feelings were correct and acts accordingly. Whether that means that someone could get hurt in the process (like killing Mrs. Tran when being processed by Crowley, he didn’t hesitate to kill her.) Dean can point it out very well by saying: “It would’ve sucked and I would’ve hated myself, but what’s one more nightmare right”.

I know Dean can be a jerk and act not so stealthy, but his heart is in the right place. His toughness defines him and I think that’s what kept him alive this long, what kept him human. Okay he was affected by Veritas, the Goddess of Truth (6×06 You Can’t Handle the Truth), Ghost sickness, a Specter (8×06 Southern Comfort) for holding grudges mostly about Sam not looking for him being in purgatory, but he’s never been possessed like Sam has (who has been possessed by Meg, Lucifer, Demon blood) and he hasn’t really been manipulated (he always had this voice in his head about Ruby, which turned out to be right). He’s been human all along and although he needs Sam I think it is because he doesn’t want to live without his brother. Not necessarily because he thinks with Sam he will be human and that they keep each other human, but just that he can’t live without him.

His humor is an other thing that pulls me in. Both Sam and Dean have comedic moments, but Dean’s are just insane. The fact that he can always throws in a line or a look (no matter how bad the situations gets) is amazing. That is of course the doing of Jensen who portrays Dean as no other actor can. I believe this character is made for Jensen and that there is no one out there who can’t play Dean the way he does. But that also applies to Jared playing Sam. No one can portray these character better than these guys and that fact that they are on an off screen brothers is what makes this show great and keeps me (and probably the rest of us) drawn in.

My hopes are that his righteousness keeps him going and that he will fight no matter what. I also really hope that he finally will be able forgive himself for all the things he did or all the guilt that he has left. He deserves to be able to let all of it go and just move on to the next event in his life. I also hope that this season he will get a break and that Sam isn’t staying mad at him that long. I know Sam must be furious when he’ll find out what Dean did, but Sam would’ve done the same for Dean if he were in his shoes.

To close this post I want you to read the following. I’ve found this great summary about Dean on Twitter today that totally says what I’m trying to say. Check it if you’d like. I don’t know who made it, but it wasn’t me. If you do know who made it, let them know I’m glad I found it and was able to use it. If they mind me using I can take it down easily 😉

Hope you had a fun read and if you have any remarks or questions just let me now!

My thoughts about #SPN season 9

If you haven’t seen any of season 9 I’d like to warn you that there are spoilers, so if you don’t wanna know, don’t read it!

I’ve been talking to a few other SPN fans about the start of Supernatural season 9 (a.k.a. season fine 🙂 ) I have some (maybe crazy) ideas about Dean and about my fears for this new season. Bare with me and please don’t freak out 🙂

So we all know the episode The End (I wanna say in season 5, but don’t shoot me when it was season 4) where Dean sees his future self and what’s going on in the world in 2014. The Devil (who is possessing Sam) tells Dean: No matter how much you change, no matter what details you’ll alter, we will always end up right here”. That line freaked the hell out of me when I saw it first and I was so happy when they beat the Devil and all was “okay”…
Boy didn’t I know season 8 would end like that or season 9 begin like this….

In The End we see Dean finding out that Cas has lost his wings and that all the other Angels left. When I watched the final episode of s8 and saw Cas fell, I thought… “Oh hell no, is this going to be the end?” And what if not only the Angels fell, but Michael and Lucifer “fell” out of their box too? Only not angels fell from heaven down to earth but also from he box up to earth?? I got the creepiest feeling when I thought that!

I don’t believe Dean ever mentioned his “dream, going to the future” to Sam, so Sam doesn’t know what Dean saw. Only Bobby knew a bit, when they we’re going to find the devil Dean tells Bobby: “He always said he would jump Sam’s bones in Detroit”.

When Ezekiel came into the picture and was very nice to the boys (well mostly Dean cause Sam was in a coma) I didn’t know how to react or think. For some reason it didn’t feel right. And even though I’ve seen 9.02 where he helps the boys getting rid of the demons Abbadon sends their way I still have this feeling in my gut that he isn’t what he sais he is…..

So what if Ezekiel really is the Devil. The first time I saw 9.02 I didn’t really know what to think when he came out and talk to Dean, but the second time I watched it I thought: oh oh this feels like Lucifer, he talks the same (a dead tone, Jareds amazing performance of course). It’s a bit different than when we saw Lucifer in The End, but then again if Zeke is Luci he has to keep up appearances right..

Maybe that’s why Dean isn’t able to look at Zeke without having major doubts or guilt in his eyes. Maybe he is thinking about 2014 around the corner, Cas isn’t an Angel any more and the other Angels roam the earth for revenge, so what happend to the box?? What happend when Heaven broke, did the box too?

I know the things we see in The End are a bit different than now in season 9 (Cas is actually human and not still a less powerful angel, Chuck is gone and the angels roam the earth and haven’t left (yet)), I still feel it can all happen. Mostly because of that freaky line that keeps haunting me…..

I really hope that Zeke is one of the good guys, the boys need a break from all of it and need some help.

Although I really really want Zeke to be one of the good guys I’m kind of curious what will happen if I’m actually right. What would Dean do, well I think I know what hell do, he would go and kill himself, cause he probably won’t be able to handle much more guilt….

I can’t quite picture what Sam would do when he finds out Zeke’s possessing him. He’ll be pissed that Dean kept it a secret from him no doubt about that, but I wonder how fast he’ll forgive him. Cause let’s face it, Sam would probably do the exact same thing if he was in Deans shoes.
But what if it was Luci and Sam finding out, he already said Yes to him once so he doesn’t need his consent anymore… Oh wow, I just realised this while I’m typing this… What the hell!!! This is not good, not good at all….

Wow I’m sort of getting sad writting all of this down. This show gives me so many feelings, its not even funny anymore. Well it is, but you knel what I mean 😉

Please let me know what you think. I’m kind of curious about y’alls (as Jared so nicely says) thoughts about this..

Soul mates and what not

So I had this intense talk with one of my best friends. I don’t know how we got there, but everytime we talk it turns out deep and awesome. We always say, especially when people want to put us in boxes, that we are cirlces and we won’t fit into a square. Small minded people keep trying to tell us what to do and where we belong, but the amazing thing is we are so great together that it doesn’t matter. We know who we are and just because other people are not able to see that we are okay.
We had this talk about what level of thought other people have. We don’t look down on any type of person, but we sometimes (and it’s only with here that I talk about this stuff, cause she is me in some sort of way) feel like we are talking to people who don’t understand. To people who settle for their job, partner and life just because the don’t (can’t) look further or just want to have it right away. These are also the people who say to us that we need to get a partner or a good steady job, you know cause we’re (arround) 30… I get that people want a great life for us, but for us to be happy doesn’t mean that we have to have a partner or a great job. We are happy with what we are and how we are, even though it might seems strange sometimes. I love who I am and of course I love her to death and it’s so amazing to have someone in my life such an amazing bond with.

When I went home and sat in the bus home I wrote something like this to her (I asked her permission to post it here 😉 ):
We are so screwed up its awesome! Haha just realised how out of place we both are but also how amazing it is. We are perfectly the same and that’s why you’re my soulmate. I love you and we’ll never be apart, no matter how much physical distance there is between us, no one can separate us mentally. We’ll always be a two sides of one coin. We are so lucky we have that, there’s not a lot of people who do. Cause most of the people just settle for okay just because they want something. Settleling is not for us. Everything happens for a reason and at the right time, for us at least. We don’t rush, we live and that’s the beauty of being us. We don’t go for settle we go for what’s right (now). It might frustrate us sometimes. Sometimes we’re lonely, but we know what we have is what we need at the moment and we are going to shine. We do already, but you know what I mean. Our lives are going to turn out even better than we both could ever imagine. It is great already, cause you know its us and we are awesome 😛 But all will fall right into place when it needs to be.

I think our bond is very special, not a lot of people have someone they are this close too/ connected with. The fact that I found that in my best friend is pretty rare and I am so lucky to have that. I consider myself a very lucky person and I realise some people will never have someone like this in their life.

The funny thing is that we had a rocky start but now we’re rock sollid! I love how these things go. I just to care so much about what other people thought of me, I put in so much energy to keep in touch with people (who appartently weren’t that interested in me the way I was in them) but that’s over now. I do what I want, I love what I do, I love the people that I surrounded myself with. There’s a couple or pretty amazing people in my life and all the people that are in my life or used to be in there have tought me something. I’m a firm believer that you meet people cause you have to. Some will teach you, some you will teach something to, some will hurt you, some you might hurt, some will love you, some you will love and most of them will fall away when it’s time for them to leave your life (or for you to leave theirs). When people disspeared from my life, I used to be sad. Now I know there’s a reason. Luckily I can feel this now and I know who will stay longer than others. I take everyone and everything that happends to me with laughter and knowledge that they/ it happends for a reason. The reason might be unclear, but I know they/ it are/is on my path or me to learn from.

Again I’m so happy to have these amazing people in my life and I trully appreciate what I’m learning from all of them.

Thank you for all the amazing people in my, you are deeply loved ❤