End of a trip; start of a new beginning

Wow! These last four weeks have flown by. This trip to Austin has opened my eyes, I found something I didn’t even know I was looking for (even though I knew I’d find something, this trip was meant for something).

First of all I love this city, it’s an amazing city and even though I am not planning on moving soon, if opportunity comes this city will be at the top of my list. I love the nature, I love the openness, I love the acceptance of people, I love live music, I love that there’s so much to do, I love the weather, I love how it feels spacious, I love the people that I’ve met.

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What I’ve learned is, and maybe you’ve read it in my previous post, that as long as I stay who I am, love what I do and accept myself for who I am, I can live everywhere I want. I don’t need the states (anymore) to find myself, I found myself and I like being me. I like the person who I am and who I aim to be. I found love, love in myself, love in new found friendships, love for an incredible city.  I learned it was totally okay to do absolutely nothing when I didn’t feel like doing anything and I learned to accept others to take care of me. People kept buying me food and the friends who’s house I took care of took incredibly care of me when they were around.

I also learned that even though I really didn’t mind dog sitting, I don’t speak dog🙂 Kids I can understand if they keep yelling/ crying cause they have facial expressions, the dogs didn’t so after feeding them, petting them and giving them treats I didn’t know what they wanted. Which is totally okay, but it could be a bit frustrating not knowing what to do.

Something else I figured out about myself is that I can pinpoint people who I connect with right away. I get this feeling and I know this person is going to be my friend. There’s this energy, or attraction to certain people who I instantly connect with. Also those people trust me instantly and it is amazing. I can tell them anything and they can tell me anything too.

Overall this was an incredible trip. I knew I was going to find something, but I didn’t know exactly what it was, except for the cowboy boots😛

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Thanks to everyone who supports me and I can call my family, blood related or otherwise. I know I got to this point all by myself, but it’s incredible how much support I have in my life.


Feeling lost, epiphanies and letting go


This quote is so appropriate for me right now. I think I just let go of something I didn’t know I was clinging on to so much.

I’ve always had this feeling that I was meant to live in the US. I’ve been to the states a whole lot and it feels good being here. For some reason I always thought it was more spacey, it feels more roomy and yes I feel at home here. I never knew where that feeling came from, and it doesn’t really matter anyways, cause it is what it is. I had this strong urge to move here and I made a decision to do this about two years ago. I haven’t made any plans but last year this feeling about Austin came across and now I’m here. I haven’t moved, I am here on vacation and I’m halfway on my trip. I’ve done some things, explored a bit, made some friends (yay😀 ), created a Austin Pro list, but I’ve also felt lost and very confused. It was hard and scary to get out of the house even just to go for a walk or to the lake to check it out.


I know that’s okay and I should just do what I want, even if that’s just relaxing on the couch watching movies or hanging around in the hammock. Being on vacation doesn’t mean I have to plan my whole day, but I’ve wrote about that in my previous post.

Today I told my friend about that, she’s in a retreat right now and doesn’t really have time or isn’t supposed to reach out, but she just send me a message. A message she’s thinking about me and when I told her I felt lost she said “You’ll find your way” and I know that’s true. I am also very very grateful that she send me that message, I think it was part of a little chain reaction. Almost right after I had a thought and maybe even an epiphany.


I think the lesson that I am learning is that it doesn’t matter where I live as long as I do whatever I want and love to do. Maybe this “I want to live in the US” goes back to before I was born into this world, maybe I got yanked out from a previous life and I’ve been trying to come to terms with it ever since. It might even predate me or maybe it was because I’ve never felt at home in Holland. It doesn’t really matter why, all it matters is that it was and now it’s not anymore. I have amazing people all over the world, I have family and friends in Holland and a good job which allows me to travel a lot. I appreciate that so much.

It feels totally okay not to know where I’m going now, I can be wherever and feel like me, I don’t feel I am a better person when I’m in de US, I don’t need to be accepted by everyone, cause the only person that matters is me and me accepting myself. And I’m accepting me, I am accepting and appreciating who I am, how I am, how I treat people, what I have, what I give, what I share and what I am becoming. And that is the truth and for me that’s all that matters.


It doesn’t mean I can’t live here in the states or that I have to leave Holland, it also doesn’t mean I will never make this move, it means I am going to focus on finding out what’s making my spark light up and finding my way, while I keep traveling whenever I can🙂

❤ always,


Expectations and realizations


So I’m sitting here in Austin as my second week of the summer vacation is about to start and I’m having this incredible realization. I’ve been here for a week, house and dog sitting my friends house and dogs (obviously🙂 ). They took me to a couple of places before they left for Europe and after that I felt like I fell in a hole.

Last year I picked Austin as a city I would like to live in, even though I haven’t been there yet, all these signs about Austin kept coming up and finally I decided I wanted to move here. I didn’t have or wanted to make rush plans and just let it sink in. A few months ago my colleague told me her mom was going on a Europe trip with them and they would probably wanted someone to take care of their house and their dogs. I’d happily said yes. And now I’m here and I love the weather, yesterday we had some Houston weather (which meant more humidity than normal here in Austin) but overall I like it. Yes it gets hot, it gets really hot, but it’s not the hotness of not being able to breath anymore.

I figured that when I move here I’d be indoors most of these hot days anyways, cause I’d probably have to work here too🙂 I think the hottest hours are from 11.00 – 17.00, which usually means it’s between business ours and in the weekends there’s a ton of places to cool of, like lakes and pools and oh yeah airconditioned houses😛


Back to that whole hole falling episode. My friends took me out to a couple of places and the moment I was alone I didn’t know what to do. I was kind of afraid of getting out of the house. Why? I don’t know! Maybe because I had to “defrost” and just getting used to the fact that I’m actually here. I loved the places my friends took me too and I went out to the store for some groceries and to the movies (which is always a huge safe haven for me). I got online and RSVP’ed to MeetUp events and I did a Yoga class. After that class I felt a lot better. The atmosphere there was great, it was a good sweat!

The day after however I felt the same. It felt like I had to do more. I told a lot of people I was going to the place I want to live and I felt pressure (which I put onto myself, let’s be honest about that) to fill my days up with exploring Austin. Cause I felt like I had to have stories when I’d come back to Holland. I also asked myself these funny questions like: “but where are you gonna eat” or “where are you going to park” and that made the “fear” and doubt greater. It is a bit overwhelming figuring out what to do without having someone else with me. I usually don’t plan on holidays, I want to relax and if the friend who’s with me has plans or wants to do stuff I just tag along. I don’t need much.

I called one of my friends the other day and she asked me what’s wrong with not doing anything? I honestly couldn’t tell her… I don’t care if people have an active vacation or a vacation they just hang at the beach and relax. So why do have to do stuff? Don’t know. I’ve been around, driving bits and I loved it. I took the DuckTour yesterday and I ate on 6th Street in de Bikini bar, which was amazing. I experienced the traffic here and I know I can handle that too. I love how green it is here, there’s so many trees, there’s lakes and the river so I don’t have anything to complain about. She also told me, very wise that friend of mine, part of moving to a new city is experiencing it and figuring out what’s there. That’s part of the fun of moving and living in a new city. I don’t have to know everything about it, I just have to know if it feels right.


I want to relax when I’m on a vacation and I don’t want the pressure of having to do anything. And that’s something I realized today. I am here in the amazing garden, sitting in the shade, listening to birds and crickets and I’m relaxed. Yes I am to experience Austin, but part of that is also being able to be here with just me and be okay with just being me and with me.

I got a couple of things plans for the next coming days and I’d like to go to the beach next week. I don’t have too much planned for this week, but that’s okay cause I still got 3 weeks left and I can do whatever I want. I don’t need to come back with huge stories, I want to come back relaxed and really for whatever comes next in my life. If it’s moving to Austin, I don’t know, but I do know I can live here. It feels good and that’s basically all I wanted to know, so it’s safe to say: Mission Accomplished😀

ToDoList  EnjoyLife

Meeting Jared and Jensen: Take two

I know it’s been a while since VegasCon, but hadn’t found the time to write about it yet.

Vegas 2016 for me started on Friday before the convention. I’ve met up with my friend at the airport and we stayed at an Extended Stay hotel across from the Rio. I thought the bus would take us to The Strip easily and fast, but that didn’t turn out to be the case. I discovered Uber and I loved it: Just order on your phone and the ride is there to pick you up at your location and drop you off wherever you want to go. No payment needed.


Saturday and Sunday basically where some recuperating days and Sunday night we went to a show: Tournaments of Knights and it was hilarious. It was a dinner show set in King Arthur times so that meant no utensils, just eating with your hands. Which I loved every second off. While eating that chicken I thought: I’ve always wanted to know how it felt to eat like that and now I knew.

Later that night we got some tickets for KA and did some gambling. Tuesdays we went to the Luxor ahead of the show and played some slots, what turned out to be fun and we won some cash.
After dinner we’ve got some drinks before the KA show and the show blew our minds. WOW! Those are some incredible artists. A couple of rotating stages, amazing special effects and on top of that the outstanding performances.


Wednesday before registration we met up with some more  friends/ family for dinner, where one of them proposed to the other, which was perfect and amazing and I’m so glad I was able to witness this special moment.
At registration we met up with an amazing person who was standing behind us in line and became instant friends. I am fortunate enough to call her my family too.

Thursday the convention started and Richards opening was again epic. He didn’t have his sidekicks Rob Benedict or Matthew Cohen by his side but that wasn’t noticeable at all. Right than and there he started the “High Church of the Holy Dicks”  and everybody loved it.
Panels on Thursday and Friday where so good I laughed almost those full days. Gil had the “weirdest panel ever”, almost fell off the stage, Osric came out in a suit and Karaoke was a blast, like last year. Jason had an amazing panel with songs and questions, Brianna and Kim had a panel where I was cracking up the whole time. Hilarity galore😀 Saturday special was amazing and definitely special. Everyone who showed up was at their best and made it great.

Sunday: J2day


Sunday is always J2’s day, which meant Jared and Jensen are in the house for their panels (2 if you have Gold, 1if you don’t), auto’s and pics. I got a pic with Jensen and shared my Jared op with my friend. Meeting Jensen again was a little nerve wrecking beforehand cause of last year. Last year I was totally fine right before the picture and I froze. I could barely get a “Just a hug, please” out and even though I love the photo from last year, I wanted a “real”  hug this year. I knew if I kept “bear hug”  in mind I’d be fine. I was one of the first 50 people to get the photo taken and it was right after the gold panel. At the end of the panel I started to get really nervous and my thoughts where running wild: “We are almost the same height, how can we have a bear hug and a cool photo?” “Oh I hope I can get a word out”  where the thoughts that ran my mind. I was standing in line between two girls who’s never been to a con and told them it would be great, the boys are amazing and you can ask them almost everything. My mind kept racing and than Jensen came in, talked to Chris (photographer) for a bit, took his time with people who couldn’t stand in line (cause they where either in a wheelchair, on crutches or elderly) and that was so nice. Chris also makes sure that he takes the best picture ever for that experience, so if he can make it better by holding your crutches in one hand and his heavy camera in the other, he’d do that.
So while standing in line, observing all that and having my mind racing I told myself to quit it. Last year went great, Jensen is a lovely guy and he’s just a person. A person who inspires me a lot, but still just a human being. So I took a minute to take some breaths, felt myself in that room in that moment and calmed myself down. When it was my turn I looked up said hi, got a hi back and I think I asked for a plain old hug or a bear hug (the exact words I don’t remember) I opened my arms and took a step, which made him laugh and he went in for the hug too. I laughed, looked at Chris, got the picture, looked back, thanked him and than tanked Chris and I walked off with a huge grin on my face.

These are the pics of VegasCon2015

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Later that day we had our Jared op and for some reason I’m never nervous meeting him. Last year was great and this year was great too. I shared my op with my friend and it was a lovely picture like last years. After Jared’s op I figured I’d take a look if the Jensen photo’s where already done and to my surprise it ended up the best photo ever!
So here’s the ops of this Vegas Con:

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Overall I laughed so hard I still felt my abs a week later, I could spend time with amazing people, had two perfect photo ops and was able to thank the boys again.

Next year they will hold a convention in Hawaii which will be the first time ever in SPN con history. Even though I am so fortunate to have gone to two Vegas Cons already and I have so many great memories, I’d like to be able to go to Hawaii too. Just because it’s a first time thing and I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii anyways so why not start or finish it with a convention😀

Media perception …….

I have been talking to a friend about the affects of being in the public eye and I wasn’t going to pay much attention about all the made up information that people get to see or the very inappropriate questions these people get from reporters/ paparazzi and all that, but it keeps bugging me. So I figured why not write it all down. The first draft was full of emotion and mostly frustration towards the media. As I trying to be a person who always tries to look at the positive things in life and in every situation I chose to rewrite it somewhat.

Why is it so hard for media and paparazzi to leave artists alone? I chose not to use the word “famous” cause I don’t like it. These are all artists or athletes/ performers whose life have been turned upside down and sideways and for what? People make stuff up as they go about these incredible people (yes all these people are incredible and an inspiration to at least some), these people inspire/ help/ save peoples lives and this is their thanks? That’s just so incredibly silly to me. All those people are performing an art, they do what they love and maybe some of them want to have the attention, I don’t know, I haven’t asked them and I don’t know their lives, they want to show the world their craft and because they want to share it with the rest of the world and people know off them, know their name and maybe a couple of facts, they get all this negative attention thrown at them. For me that seems pretty unfair.

Look at this incredible insensitive clip where my first reaction was: WTF, what have they done to you to call him that!

I’m glad the boys from One Direction are mature enough to handle a question like that, but the reporter? Come on! Can’t you really find a nicer way to introduce your “story”?

People might say: “Yes but they chose to be this person”. I don’t agree with that. Yes they chose this craft, they chose this line of “work”, if you can call it that, because they love it. They (well I hope most of them and at least the people that inspire and have made me change) didn’t choose to be well known, they didn’t choose to be “famous”. They just wanted to share their stories with others and that’s incredible. That’s something we should be grateful for, cause without them there wouldn’t be any music, movies, TV shows, there wouldn’t be any new stories to tell, there wouldn’t be characters we can relate too, there wouldn’t be emotion we could drown in, there wouldn’t be heartbreak, laughter and all that. So WHY is it so much to ask to leave these people alone.
Interviews to ask about their projects? Yes I’d love to know their thoughts on it. Meetup with “fans”? Yes, cause it works both ways, they inspire us and they create from what they learn from us or they simply want to give back. All the rest? No, that shouldn’t matter. As much as I’d love to learn about them from them, like in interviews (I know they’re all media trained and know what not to say, I do think however they give show us who they are in some extent)

When I see videos created by fans, like the one above, about their inspiration with the difference between the media version and the “real” version I feel really sad there’s still so much “information” being spread that’s hurtful and probably not very true. The only people who know what happend are the people involved and if they choose not to share that with the rest of the world, that should be fine. For me it is. Do I say I know the people I admire or the people who inspire me? No you won’t hear me say that. I know I don’t know them, I know what they show me in their interviews and panels and behind the scenes, their concerts and their own created videos they post online. That’s where I get my information about them. I read it in fan encounters, which might be subjective too, I know, but I also know they’re probably more accurate than whatever “news” site who got their information second hand. I wish someday I could sit down with any or them to just talk about stuff, life, what’s going on, what’s on their minds, their tattoos, what’s life like on the road, or just sit and hang.

I also think it’s a shame so many reports about these people are negative. Why not throw around some positivity. If you’re gonna make up a story (and yes that’s a judgement) about them, why not create some amazing positive vibes. That’s what we all need in our lives. Laughter, fun, love, caring people, craziness, just random fun stuff, not breaking people down, judging them for the way you see them.

So spread love, any kind of love! Love is Love and it always wins!

Peace out!

Tattoos and heart

I’ve always been interested in tattoos and the stories behind them. I’ve also known someday I would get one. That someday was about 4 years ago and it was a very unique and special moment. My friend told me that once I would get one I would probably want to get more and guess what, she was right🙂 Last spring I got number 2 and number 3 is also on it’s way.

Talking about tattoos is interesting to me because opinions about them vary so much. Some would love to have one but don’t know what, others don’t like them and think it’s a shame that people get them. Everyone has their own thoughts and feelings about them and I think it’s wonderful, it makes conversations interesting, to find out why someone is or isn’t interested.

I used to be somewhat offended when people told me it’s a shame to get a tattoo or it ruins your body and questioned it like “Well, don’t you worry about when you get older? What if you get sick of them or regret having them.” I might’ve gotten offended because in some extent I had the same questions and didn’t know how to answer them. I also think everyone had the right to have their own opinions so I let people think what they want, but I want to explain how I feel when they ask.

I am living in the now more and more and I think there’s no point thinking so far ahead cause if you want to do something now, than you should, if it feels right I can only say “Go for it”. Now is the time you live and not 30 years from now. Who knows how I feel about my tattoos in 30 or 40 years, but also who knows about technologies changes that’s coming our way in those years? Wondering and worrying never helped anyone before so if I want to get a new tattoo I’ll just get it🙂

My view on tattoos has completely changed when I heard someone talk about why he gets his tattoos. I thought it was incredible and it made me think about my body differently. He explained that whenever he had a memorable moment or something got stuck in his head that he would tattoo it on his body. After that I thought: well my body is my canvas it’s the canvas of my life, there’s scars and freckles that define me so with the tattoos I’m only painting it in more. This is who I am and these are my stories. If you want to know about them, just ask. The tattoos are reminders of my life that I don’t want to forget and now I never will. I won’t loose them and because they mean so much to me already I will never regret having them. Even when I’m grey and old, these stories are what got me there😉

I like what I like.

Recently, last weekend that is, I found out about One Direction. I know I come very late to the party, like 5 years late, but that doesn’t mean I don’t join in on all the fun. At first I thought it was a cooked up boy band, I did not know they where put together during X-Factor in 2010 and I for sure didn’t know who they were. You can never know a person for what you’ve seen online and on screen but after “researching” (a.k.a. YouTubbing) a bunch of video’s, their backstory (their movie This is Us), their X-Factor performances and their concerts now I can see what all the “fuss” is about. I’ve seen these boys grow up 5 years in the 3 days I’ve been exploring them and what I’ve seen is pretty incredible. Their music is happy and catchy and it just makes me feel good, what music is supposed to feel like🙂

From what I’ve seen these boys are still grounded, genuine, honest, truly grateful for what they have, amazing performers, artists and real human beings. They are also completely mad and insane, but that’s what I love even more, that they’re completely themselves. Mainly I’m talking about Harry Styles, I don’t know if it’s because there’s so many more video’s on him I found or just because he looks great, or just how he is, but he’s way too precious for this world. Look at the video below, created by 1DIRECTION VIDEOS:

He doesn’t care what people think, he is honest and he truly cares what’s going on around him. He loves to interact with his fans and I know I haven’t been to many concerts, but I know this is special. I can feel it when I look at these video’s, there’s too many to add so I am not going to add a lot but some of the video’s I’m adding mean the world to me and maybe for you too. Like this one, one amazing compilation about Harry Styles, created by SofyJDrew:

I love people who are sincere, honest, grateful for what they have and are completely themselves. Whether they’re actors, like Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles from Supernatural, or the boys from One Direction, a “boy” band. It doesn’t matter to me who you are, what does matter is how you are and the way you make me feel and that’s why I love the people I love.

Here’s a part of a Jared and Jensen panel from a couple of weeks ago, they’re talking about meeting fans and what to do when we see them out and about and don’t know if you can walk up and come to talk to them, video is from shawesum and the best part of the answer, at least for me, starts at 5 minutes:

People judge too much and that’s why other people can’t be themselves or are afraid to anyways and that’s a shame cause these people are amazing and if everyone would be more like them, the world would be a better place.

Some people think I’m crazy or weird for supporting either Jared and Jensen (from the C.W.’s show Supernatural) or One Direction, but you know what? This is my life, deal with it, or get out. I love what I love and I don’t need to explain or find a reason why. I know deep down it’s for a reason why I love the things I love and the amazing people I’ve described above deserve everything good that’s coming to them because they are good people and that’s what matters. None of them ever thought “I want to be famous”, NO they just wanted to create, music, television, whatever, they wanted to tell stories and inspire people. Well they’ve inspired me and they keep inspiring me.. Because of them I want to be a better person, want to change, no I say that wrong, I want to become more myself and if you can make people realise that, unintentionally, than you are an incredible human being in my book.