So I just realized the thing that makes me nervous is the unknown and the unknown of doing something right. I am waiting to go my acting class and we had to pick out a text that we thought was beautiful. As I don’t read in Dutch (it had to be Dutch) I figured I borrow Twilight in Dutch and take the part that impresses me the most.
Now I’m thinking if I did okay, cause you know ‘it’s Twilight”. On the other hand no other book than this one grabbed me and didn’t let me go. As I am also not a reader of a lot of books I thought I’d just pick this. The think that I’m nervous about is if I did the right thing. On the other hand I don’t have any other texts that spoke to me like that piece did, so I shouldn’t doubt my decision. It is about me and not about what other people might think.
Come to think of it I think this is my main “problem”. I think to much about if I’m doing it right in stead of just doing it. I think I’ve always had that feeling, even when I had to turn in homework at school. It’s funny to realize this now and not back than. Now that I know this, I know I can work on this and try not to care about it to much. I know I want to do the best that I can, which I always am, so why am I still nervous about these things? Of why do I still care so much about what other people might think of me. I don’t mind whatever text someone else brings tonight, so why do they care what I bring. It’s about my development and not about them. They are there for their own reasons and to develop themselves so why would I judge them? I’m not, cause I don’t judge people (or at least I’m trying as hard as I can to not judge, cause lets face it “everybody judges, some more than others” but I try to keep it to a minimum). When I find myself thinking a thought about someone I recognize that thought and immediately try to stop that train of thought and think about something else. I don’t like to judge and you can’t look into someone else’s mind/ live so who am I to have an opinion about that person? Okay I’m getting of track here…… As I said, I shouldn’t worry to much about what other people think about my text. It’s an important text for me, so I’m bringing it 🙂
The other thing I’m nervous about for acting class is that I don’t know what to expect. I think that is the other issue I’m having. Every time I try something I get nervous. And every time I go to a course/ class/ meet up I get the same feelings. I think I am not necessarily nervous about the acting class itself but about not knowing what’s expected of me, so I can prepare. As our coach told me the first class I want to have everything under control, and he’s right. But I also want to learn how not to have something under control. I think that’s why I signed up as well.
It is funny that I come to think off it now. Now that I’m really listening to my body/ feelings/ mind. I think it is very interesting how the brain works and how feelings impact the things that you do in everyday life. I know for sure that if I didn’t start these acting classes I wouldn’t realize these things. Everything happens for a reason and I know for a fact that these classes were meant to help me understand myself and grow more.
So I think I have a pretty good feeling what my biggest issues are relating to having and fulfilling my dreams. It’s the “fear” of the unknown and the fear of not succeeding. I have a positive attitude and I know everything happens for a reason so now that I know these two issues (that apparently sometimes still hold me back), I can do something about it. And I will! I don’t know how yet, but luckily I work with amazing coaches that undoubtedly will help me with this 😀
So that’s all for now. I’m curious about tonight’s class and even though I’m nervous to go I can’t wait to write about it, cause I love to write down and share my experiences and thoughts with you!