The last few days I’ve had a little of a rough patch. A constant overthinking, analyzing, fighting against some things I didn’t want to experience. It was tiring and now that I am “out” of that rabbit hole, I feel the need to write it down and reflect.
One of the realizations I had was that I keep fighting some of the fears I have, I don’t love and accept myself unconditionally. It was a aha moment that was very welcoming 😊
What is it that we (or in this case me) are not able to completely and utterly love and accept ourselves. Is it because we keep being bombarded with all the things we need to do or have before we can be happy, healthy, smart and beautiful? Or is it something we have been slowly and surely imprinted with from the moment we’ve arrived on this planet? Or does go back even more, to our parents or ancestors or previous lives?
I know everyone has trauma and it’s up to each and everyone of us to see it, heal it, shift it or live with it as they see fit. For me I love to dive deep and see what else comes up and what other things can be released. My toolbox of all different kinds of tools is spread wide and I love to experience all the different tools that are out there. It used to be because I thought: “well if I have done that, than I’m complete” and then I’ve found another and another and, yep, another. I few years ago I finally had the insight that I AM COMPLETE already, I AM PERFECT the way I am. Yes there’s always things I can shift, heal and look at. That doesn’t mean I’m not good as I am right now, I cannot be anyone and anything else in THIS MOMENT than this. So rationally I can say all of that.
That being said; why is that I am not able (yet) to love and accept all of those things about me that I would like to release, shift, heal? That is an interesting question. And maybe because I don’t love and accept myself unconditionally, I cannot love and accept others conditionally.
The moment I tune into the present moment, take a breath, feel my body and check in, there’s nothing wrong, it’s all good. However when that thing in my head starts rambling all kinds of thoughts and starts all these programs, that moment is gone. I know I have a good set of brains, I love to think about things, I love to analyze, it’s even stated in my Human Design. That doesn’t mean I have to think about everything, have to analyze each and every thought or idea that comes up in my mind, that’s exhausting (I know!).
So what can I do to start loving and accepting myself unconditionally? I don’t know, I do believe that I’ve already took the first step: awareness. I know it, I don’t feel bad or sad about it and I also know it’ll work itself out. Maybe that is acceptance and (self)-love…….
💜
Some of my Random Thoughts and Ideas 