Looking at my life right now I feel I’ve done a lot of things “wrong” or not right. And that made me think of what is right? I did what I did when I did it. I can’t turn back and do it all over again, well I could probably somehow but that’s another topic of conversation, cause then I wouldn’t be where I am right now and have the life that I have in this moment.
There are things that I want and that I wish were different and there’s also a lot of things I do have that I am not enjoying and appreciating as much as I could. I work 4 days (7 hours a day) a week from home, have an amazing team and wonderful co-workers, I have a good set of brains, my body works incredible, I have ways to get around and to get to places. I don’t own a car, however I get to use my parents’ when I need or want to. I live in a good neighborhood, with trees and water and greens. My apartment is big enough for me and for what I use it for, I have loads of plants, a great and big balcony, a beautiful bedroom, 2 storage places, 2 bikes, all the amenities I like (except a bath). I get to use the bath at my folks if I choose to too. My neighbors are kind, I have beautiful connections with my friends and their kids, my nephews and niece and I get along with my family well.
All the incredible friends around this earth is something I truly and deeply feel grateful for. The travel I get to do, the different experience I get to have with each and every one of them and even by myself is amazing. The way I get and do what I want is a huge strength and my iron will power and courage helps me along the way. The fact that I don’t always know what I want (and lately that’s a lot) makes it interesting and not always pleasant in my head. Have been thought “You need a goal in life and work towards it”, “You need to make a good amount of money and career”, “Dreams don’t come true unless you give it everything you have” and you have to know what you want has not been easy. I, often times, do not what I want, that’s not how my energetic system and energy works. I get to see, read or hear things that the universe puts in my path and I either resonate with that or I don’t. And if I resonate with that, even if it seems scary, I take action. Just like this writing, I felt I had to write what was on my mind and in my heart and so I started. I had no idea what would come out of it and if it would be something that I could or would share.
The way that I never felt I belonged with my family, and even my friends, doesn’t take away the fact that I am in good standing with any of them and that we are there for each other no matter what.
Love is a tricky thing in my mind and in my life. I find it a challenge to tell people I love them, I haven’t been thought to say it. I do say it to some of my friends, because I really believe that I do love them. I just don’t know how it feels. When I say it I get this feeling that makes my mind wonder “is this true or is it not?”. Love other people give me, in their kindness, in their way of being there for me, is something I’ve been practicing to accept. Wondering “what did I do to deserve this” makes the space around my heart heat up and I’m in awe of that kindness. I’m slowly but surely accepting other peoples kindness without thinking I have to do something in return.
As I said to my friend the other day “In this moment you are perfect” and I truly believe that. I have a beautiful habit of learning and unlearning, of taking in knowledge and tools to help me shift, change and heal that I don’t always truly feel that in this moment I am perfect too. Just like everyone else. I cannot be anyone else in this moment than who I am right now, so why the need to kick against it? Why not embrace the fact that Yes there are things I want to experience, there are certainly things I want to explore more in my inner world, shift when and if the time comes to release that tension AND that this is perfect right now.
Everybody lives their life the way they do, there’s no good way or bad way to do that. This is the path I am on and the way I got here is what it is. I get to make a decision that suits me every single moment of every single day and that is kind of wonderful is it? I get to make the decision to feel what I feel, to act how I act, to do what I do and to be if I choose to be. I can make a decision to change the way I feel and what I do in this moment too. I can bury what I don’t want to feel and I can decide to fully and truly embrace this emotion so it can move through me and away or I embrace it when it wants to stay.
I am not my thoughts, nor my emotions, these are experiences of this body. This life I have chosen to be here on this earth to experience what is in the now and to enjoy all of it. To not think about what others might think of me or what I do, that’s not up to me, that’s up to them. The way I see others comes solely from my perspective on them, that doesn’t mean I know them. I only know the parts of them that I get see and hear. As tuned into them I might be and can sense what they might feel at a moment, I am not experiencing their life as I don’t know what it’s like to be that person in that life. So there’s no need to judge what they are doing as I don’t know what I would do if I have lived their life and be in that particular situation. Do I have thoughts about specific subjects, of course I do. Do I like to share them? Obviously 😉 However I can only share them from my experience, if someone is open to hearing them.
Love always
💜
Some of my Random Thoughts and Ideas 