Sorry if I haven’t written right away at Wednesdays last acting class, but there there is a reason for that. The reason I haven’t written a post about the last acting class is because I didn’t go. The last class wasn’t last Wednesday but the week before.
I’ve been nervous for going to that class since day one. I got over the nerves and went anyways the rest of the days, but the last day I really didn’t want to go. I had this feeling in my gut that I shouldn’t go, but I didn’t know why I didn’t want to go. I thought to myself, why am I not going? Is it because I’m afraid or is it because it doesn’t feel good, even though it’s the last class. I talked to some colleagues of mine and they said, just make a decision. If I didn’t want to go, why was it, would I go just to prove other people that I could show up even though it didn’t feel right to go? I was thinking about the other people more than myself. I needed to do what I thought was correct and not think about what other people would think of me if I didn’t go.
I asked my friend what I should do and she asked me a simple question (I’ll write the nicest words down ;)). She asked: are you afraid to go or are you just really really hating it to go? I told her the latter, if I’m scared of something I do it anyway, but this really didn’t feel good. Than my colleague walked by and asked what we’re doing and I told her about my decisiveness. She asked: Does it give you energy in the end or does it drain you if you go? I could easily tell her it would drain me. So I decided. I wouldn’t go. And it felt GOOD. I made a decision just for my and not for other people. I did what felt right and while walking home a weight was lifted and I was proud to make this decision, just for me. After that I thought about it and I still stick my it and I’m not even thinking about what the other people there might’ve thought about it. And that’s what makes it different than other decisions I took in the past. I always weighted other peoples opinions, or at least what they might think about me, and not listening to my own feelings or acting upon my own instinct. So all in all it was a good day 🙂
It wasn’t my style of teaching. I am sure there are a lot of people who like being thought like he did, but it wasn’t for me. I get that we have to do the same thing, so we could get better at it, but his way of getting us out of our comfort zone were a bit to raunchy for my taste.
I think I’m gonna try sometime again, but than I would like to know what the curriculum looks like and how the course is being thought so I know I’ll make the right call. Either way I learned a few things and I did my best and I know what I can in acting. I also know where I stand and what I need to work on if I go take an other course, but that’s something to think about later.
For now I’m glad I took the step to take acting class, see where my boundaries lie and how I would act in some circumstances. I know it helped me get to the point of standing up for me in “real” life and also follow my gut so it’s all plusses for me 😀