Sam Winchester I feel for you

I’ve been a Dean girl from the get go which doesn’t mean I don’t love Sam as much, just different. Everybody has a favorite character and that’s okay.

It is so hard to write a coherent story about Sam. I’ve got so many thoughts about him and the moment I write something down I feel like I’m not doing it right. Maybe because I don’t understand Sam as much as I (think I) understand Dean. So please bare with me on this one.

I believer Sam has been a psychic from the moment he was born, and I think he still is. I don’t think that Azazel made him become a psychic, he only made sure that he was able to be Lucifers vessel by having demon blood in his body. Remember when Azazel was in Saint Mary’s and asked Lucifer what to do? Lucifer than said “Find the boy”. And he did. That must’ve meant Sam was already special. We find out that he was Lucifers vessel, cause that’s what was written and the prophecy, but we didn’t know that by than. In the episode where Sam and Dean are trying to find the sixth month old babies and go on the hunt to kill the demon, because their dad is being called away by Meg. In that episode Sam has a vision about a baby named Rosie and when he meets her and her mom the mom tells Sam something like “She just looks at you, I swear she knows what people think”. I think that is what Azalel did, find all the children with already special powers, but just infect them with demon blood so they can turn evil, as a lot of them did, not all but most of them. I can’t keep thinking about poor Andy, I hope Ash has found him too and made him feel comfortable in his Road House πŸ˜‰ But that’s beside the point.

That is also why I don’t think that Sam is “healed” from being psychic, I think it’s just buried inside him. I don’t think he knows it’s still in him though. I think he believes that after the opened Lucifers cage that with the demon blood gone the powers are gone too. And when he do finds out he still has those powers he might be to afraid to use them cause he is scared of what will happen if he taps into them. The demon blood, yes that is something Azazel did to him and I really hope he’s being cured of that, but I believe he would still be able to pull demons out with his powers.

Also Ruby told him it had to be him and he always was special. She just gave him the options and he chose the “right” ones. He had it in him the whole time and she made sure he got hooked on the blood. I felt so bad for him when Dean finds out that Sam is pulling demons right after Cas had said that it if he didn’t stop they would have to stop him. That moment in the hotel room where Dean says “If I didn’t know you, I would want to hunt you” was heart breaking. Sam only did what he think was right, it felt right (well except for the demon blood, cause that he knew was bad) to being able to help people without killing them. And I think that was went it all went wrong. He wanted to do what was right and that backfired. It doesn’t mean that it was his fault that Lucifer was set free, cause it was Dean who broke the first seal, but it still backfired. The moment that the gate opened and the fire is out we see that Dean is trying to pull Sam away but the look on Sam’s face when he says “Dean, he is coming” was almost satisfying and it scared the hell out of me. I don’t know if it was pride and the dark side of Sam coming out, but it was a scary moment, cause in that moment I really thought he was going to say yes right away…..

Sam never wanted the life of a hunter. Dean never knew had a life outside of hunting, it’s always been “Take care of Sammy”. Sam had a little longer of being a child than Dean (who was about 4 when he was thrown in the life, Sam about 9, which is still too young, don’t get me wrong but still), he went to Stanford for a few years and had a year off with Amelia. The episode The Dark Side of the Moon was gut wrenching. Mostly because we see that family means so much more to Dean than Sam. Don’t get me wrong Sam loves Dean, he is his brother, but he never felt being part of the family. He always felt an outsider, maybe because that’s what he is. He never wanted in and Dean was always the good soldier who did what he was told. But he did it all for Sam, he still does and maybe that’s what makes me not understand Sam as much nowadays.

I think the difference between Sam and Dean is that Dean always had a purpose. As written before he took care of Sammy and he always will. Sam’s first and foremost thought is “I don’t want this life”. I think he might still blame his dad for getting them into this life. He accepted it, but he still hasn’t embraced the life, not like Dean has. This doesn’t mean that Dean doesn’t makes mistakes. His biggest one is letting Ezekiel (a.k.a. Gadreel) posses Sam so he could cure him. That he was played we all saw coming, but we wanted to believe he was the good guy. He was until Metatron came along…. The biggest mistake Dean made here wasn’t so much tricking Sam into saying yes to Ezekiel but lying about it. You could see he didn’t want to lie about this, cause this was to big, but he didn’t want his brother to die so he caved.

Maybe because Sam never had to make such a big decision for Dean Β is that he doesn’t get it. It hasn’t been his life’s mission to take care of Dean so he probably doesn’t understand how much Dean has done for him and how it would be like to be in Deans shoes. He appreciate that he was always there for him, that he really does, but I don’t think he gets it.

He cares for Dean, that we all know and have seen mostly in the first 5 seasons. He wanted Dean out of hell and tried his best to do so, but when Dean went to purgatory it was over. He went off and didn’t look back. And I get it, he didn’t have anyone anymore and just wanted to get away from it all (again). It doesn’t mean Β I hated him for doing that though. Not looking for Dean and Kevin. Until the moment Dean and Amelia tell Sam “Two feet in or two feet out” Sam never dedicated his life to being a hunter. That moment there he made a decision to give his all for being a hunter. Until they boarded up hell, cause then he was out. He still had that doubt about being out after…. He always had that.

  • When we find dad, I’m out
  • When we kill the demon, I’m out
  • When we board up hell, I’m out

I think now that he has a purpose with the Men of Letters that he finally embraces the life. Maybe not as a hunter but at least as a Men of Letters.

The rift between Sam and Dean now is understandable. Dean lied and about something huge, so it’s hard to get over that. On the other hand we all know Sam would do exactly the same for Dean. He says that’s not true but I don’t believe that for a second. I think the Sam we are seeing now is a Sam Dean needs to see because of the Mark of Cain. I won’t get into that to deep, but I believe they will figure it all out. I hope sooner than later, but than again it’s Supernatural so it probably won’t πŸ˜‰

I could probably write a lot more about Sam and I might write a long one about my thoughts of the Mark of Cain and it’s affects, but for now I’m done.

Have a good one!


4 thoughts on “Sam Winchester I feel for you

  1. Sam and Dean are the most complicated characters and everyone has their own theories and feels about their actions and behavior…But you have described him well.
    I have different opinion about his psychic powers though, If he really was born with powers then how come he never had visions after YED’s death?!
    Sure he was able to exorcise demons with his mind but that was the effect of demon blood, The psychic powers were gone the day (night) Dean killed Azael
    That’s what i think..

    • ilseklijn says:

      I get your point and you might be right, but I guess will never know πŸ™‚ Or maybe we’ll find out, I really hope so, cause I still feel like that part of the story isn’t finished yet.

  2. Yup! It’s Supernatural..anything is possible! πŸ™‚

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