Yesterday I had my first acting class which was pretty intense. If you’re interested in that story please check it out and let me know what you think. I was home late, made myself ready for bed and took my laptop with me so I could write down my experience.
Normally I feel weird about opening up this much in a group. I feel like people look at my funny and that it’s nonsense what I feel and how I act. Yesterday I didn’t, I felt secure in the group and could really look at people when I did the assignments, so that’s a big YAY for me 😀 And come to think about it i really looked people in the eye, which I also think is very scary in the beginning. I really looked at them and they looked at me fully understanding/ respecting and making me feel safe. That is looking back I think the biggest thing I think happened yesterday.
When I woke up this morning woke up kinda middle in a dream. That (those) dreams where so vivid that I had to write them down. I like writing down the things I dream about so I can reflect on what happens to me at night and how I feel when I wake up. Most of my dreams are private, but some I post here as well. But I just got sidetracked so back to what I was going to write down.
I woke up, got dressed and commuted to work by bus. Because my dream was so intense I wrote it down while commuting. When I did an other dream from a couple of days ago popped up in my head and I wrote that one down as well. I had the time to do that all in the hour I was commuting and it feels good to write about that. When I was at work I arranged the coffee and tea for the invigilators who were helping with exams this week. One of my colleagues (a teacher) came in to the room and when I was started walking away I told him I had my first acting class yesterday and I was still a bit shaken up about it. We talked about what acting is and why I started to act. I told him I knew it would be terrifying but that I needed it for myself, to grow break out of that shell. We talked about that we have to do some scary things when we are driven to accomplish something (it’s called being ambitious I just remembered). We all have dreams and if we want to make them real there are things we have to do that scared the hell out of us. I told him that I told the group that I said it was scary to stand there and that I showed my vulnerability and he said that was amazing. He asked if I think about what other people think of me, and I told them I used to but that is a lot less now. It’s still there and it probably won’t go away completely but that’s okay. Than we talked about the need for control, the need to know what we want to talk about and about the “blankness” I had when it was my turn on stage. That I couldn’t tell someone she had to play tennis in Arabic, cause I can’t talk Arabic (which totally isn’t the point in acting ;)). He told me that’s why I’m such a good back office person, cause there I have control and do what is necessary, think ahead and know what’s expected. So thank you for the compliment good sir 😉
We had some conversation about what improvisation is and that I thought that was very hard. My mind went blank and I couldn’t come up with stuff on stage. He told me that every dialogue people have is improvisation, cause you always react on other people and you never know what other people say and how they will react. I thought that was a very good point he made and I never really thought about it that way.
Than he also said that if I could and was willing to I could practice at work to. That I could easily tell one of my colleagues I go out of the room, come back in, be pissed as hell and create an argument with that person. He named someone and told me she would play along and that it would be cool to do. He also told me he could be my test person and I told him I would, but not just yet. So we made an agreement that I would do that after the sixth class. Which kind off freaks me out right now, but I know I will be able to do it. I told him I would come in his office unexpected and be so upset (angry or something else) and start screaming and yelling at him, so I know it’s going to be fun.
What I also said to him is that I wrote down what I experienced yesterday and he said that is a good thing. Talking and writing about it are the best ways to process experiences and looking back on them. So again it’s been a great experience and I can’t wait to see what next week has in store for me. I’m still a little woozy in my gut, but that might also be the antibiotics I’m taking at the moment 😉