Inspiring and confronting day

4YoungPeople SummerSchool 15-06-2013

Today I’ve had another inspiring but confronting day. I’ve met a lot of amazing people and I’ve learned something new about myself.

I signed up for the workshop “Op Volle Kracht Vooruit” (Full Power …..). This day for me was to figure out what I want and what I need to do to figure out what I want. We’ve learned a lot of cool things and some of us were confronted by things.

First of all we had to draw a picture of who we were or where we wanted to go, what a wish was. We talked about that in little groups (there were 11 people in total in the group) so we could explain what we drew.

Than we had to write down what we thought were our talents.

Later we had to stand across from each other and try to picture what the person across from you was good at. What his/ her strengths were. After that exercise we could check what the two had in common. If what we thought where our strengths were actually seen by other people as well. Mine were accurate and some things that were pointed out surprised me that people picked that up. I’m not going to get into more detail with that one.

There was a little part where we had to feel what tight energy felt like and what relaxed energy felt like. We had to put our arm on another’s shoulder and cramp up all our muscles, the other person had to pull the arm down. That took a lot of energy, on both sides. Later we had to find our CHI, and totally relaxed put the arm back and tell our self that “they won’t be able to pull my arm down”. We had visualise. That didn’t take any energy.

After writing down our strengths we had to figure out what stood in the way of getting our dreams full filled. Those exercises where hard and confronting. My biggest one is that I can’t make any decisions and that I’m always doubting what I’m going to do next. Pretty exhausting that is, let me tell you 😉 I never really realised that until I had to dig deeper and find my “spark, drive”. Why do I do what I do, what do I believe in.
I picked enthusiasm and positivity, but I wasn’t able to explain why. Those words came up but I didn’t know why. Maybe because I was looking at it all wrong. I didn’t go deep and find was I was looking for in myself, what I wanted to do. I started with that I had a dream and from there on out I wanted to find my spark. Which apparently was  pretty hard.
We had to present our findings with the group, which was also a big step and hard to do cause I didn’t really know what I had to say. When I told my “on the spot made up” story I was all over the place, it wasn’t a logical story. I have a lot of interests and don’t know what I really want. Our coach Pim (Positief Ingesteld Mens, Positvely Mindset Man) told me that I needed to make a discission and the moment he said that I was like “Yeah duh, I know that, but there’s to much to pick from”. I was afraid I would  make the wrong discission, but as Pim nicely pointed out, there is no wrong decision if you want to move forward 😉

After our little presentation he handed us all a wooden board. On the front we had to write down what holds us back and on the back where we wanted to go/ what our wish was. I couldn’t figure out what one thing I wanted on the front and the moment that I realised I couldn’t decide I thought “AHAH! That’s it”.I knew at that moment that that’s a big part of what drains me, I can’t decide. I literally felt that sucking my energy. So that’s a good thing. When we were done write our board he thought us about punching through it. He wanted all of us to break our board. After a few people broke theirs I was thinking “Fuck It, I’m going to break mine too”. I was kind of sceptic about me breaking it, but that’s always good I figure. I handed the board over and said “decisiveness” is going to have to go. I stood there not thinking about the board at all, even though I was quite nervous about standing in front of those people watching me. I didn’t think about the board, only about the punch and I did it! I broke the freaking board! It was amazing.

A few people didn’t break the board and made the decision not to try again. That was brave also. To do what you want and not think for other people, pick a side and stick to it, no matter what other people might think. The people who weren’t able to break theirs were strong to stick to their decision not to go again. Theirs will break eventually, I’m sure of it.

I needed a day like today, I’m an other bit closer to finding out who I am and what I want to do in life and also what my pitfalls are. But if you know what it is you can work on it. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do! 😀

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